26: HIStory Altered, Again

Dex, Holly 13 and Strawberry left the Italian restaurant where they had just eaten dinner, and were now walking down the street back to Strawberry’s “car”. It was safer for Dex show his face in public than it was for Lawrence, because no one would know that he was helping Farrah escape and ruin the pharmaceutical companies. Sure, there was that one time when Farrah had a facelift and Dex let her stay at his house, where the paparazzi got pictures of them, but they were terrible and they spelt his name wrong.
“OW!”
Strawberry turned towards Dex, assuming that he’d taken his glasses off in order to look ‘cool’ and had consequently tripped or run into something. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah”, Dex said, rubbing his head. He bent over to pick up a piece of paper that had been wrapped around a pencil. “This thing fell from the sky and hit me!…hey look at this!”
Holly and Strawberry looked over Dex’s shoulder as they all read the note.
“Help me! I’ve been kidnapped by a crazy guy and I’m trapped in this hotel”, Holly began.
“I’m in the 8th room on the 4th floor”, Strawberry continued.
“Please get me out of here before he comes back”, Dex concluded. “It’s signed ‘Michael’.”
“I guess we’d better help him then”, said Holly.
Strawberry agreed. “We have time, but it doesn’t matter anyway! Whoever he is, he’s in trouble, and he could be killed!”
The three then proceeded to enter the hotel, a very fancy branch of an international chain. When the woman at the front desk questioned them, Dex just told her they were visiting their friend Michael; luckily she didn’t ask for a last name. Nervous, Holly counted the floors as they took the elevator, which was annoying but she couldn’t help herself.
“Wait…how are we supposed to get in if we don’t have a room key?” Dex asked no one in particular once they had arrived, then remembered that Shakira had given them her sonic screwdriver in case they got into trouble and needed it. Several clumsy attempts finally yielded the result of the door unlocking, which allowed Dex, Holly and Strawberry to enter.
“I’m in here!” the high-pitched, male voice called out. Glancing over at each other, they quietly stepped into the bedroom.
Dex got down on the floor so they would be on the same level. “Are- are you alright?” The man had a bandanna over his face, his odd-looking face, and very pale skin, for it was not just any man, but Michael Jackson!” Strawberry and Holly dropped to the floor too, and Strawberry glared at Dex for a second over the excessive plastic surgery that this man had. Dex responded with a look that said ‘Que? I’m innocent…I would never agree to doing this anyway!’
“No!” Michael answered, relieved but impatient. “A transvestite kidnapped me yesterday, real early in the morning; he said he was saving me!”
“Saving you from what?” asked Holly, while Strawberry was too shocked to speak.
“He said that if I stayed home, I’d overdose on prescription drugs and die that day!”
Dex folded his arms. “Aaaand….do you have a problem with prescription drugs?”
Michael looked embarrassed. “Kind of…I didn’t take them for long and then I started to feel like I couldn’t live without them! My doctor never really helped, he just kept prescribing more drugs to deal with the side effects of what I was already on!”
“That is completely irresponsible! The drugs are often essentially poisons, even I know that! What exactly were you taking?”
Michael then gave a laundry list of prescriptions that disgusted Dex, confused Holly and caused Strawberry to ask if these things actually existed. “Uh when you say that a transvestite kidnapped you, what does he look like?”
“He has thick black hair that goes down to his shoulders, and heavy makeup, like red lipstick and too much eyeshadow, and he wears a black corset and giant fake pearls! He also has a tattoo on his arm that says ‘Boss’ in a heart.”
Strawberry gasped. “That’s Frank N. Furter! He’s always out to ruin people’s lives just for fun, and I know that he’s been time travelling!”
“Wait…so I was really gonna die?”
She didn’t know how to answer this. “Ummm….yeah. Reports of you dying disappeared from the intergalactic internet yesterday too, you can only find them under the time-cache tab; but Dr Furter wouldn’t save someone because he cares about them, he’d only do that for some kind of personal gain.”
“Well that was obvious…look can you guys untie me? I don’t know when he’s gonna come back!”
The three untied Michael Jackson – Strawberry with her feet – and gave him their names. “Thanks guys”, he said, “let’s get out of here now.”
“I was waiting for you to say that”, Strawberry agreed as she stood up. Everyone looked around for any sign of the transvestite as they left the room and waited for the elevator, hoping that he wouldn’t surprise them with an entrance. This lasted about ten seconds before fear persuaded them to bolt down the fire stairs, which they assumed they only had to do with Farrah, caring for her or otherwise.
“Okay now that we’re out, where do you wanna go?” Holly asked Michael.
“Actually I was thinking that I should get some help before I really do overdose, I don’t want to die and I don’t want my doctor controlling me anymore.”
“That would probably be the best idea”, said Dex as they walked back to Strawberry’s ‘car’. After the reached her time- and spaceship that appeared to be a red Mustang, they searched for the best rehab centre on Strawberry’s computer. Michael, however, was quite distracted by the fact that he was sitting inside something that could travel through time and space, but he soon agreed on a centre outside of California and away from his horrible, enabling ‘doctor’ and Frank N. Furter. The three then dropped him off at this relatively private, asshole-doctor-free location and made their way home.

A/N: When you ride alone, you ride with the patriarchy! Join a car sharing club today! 😛 https://en-maktoob.news.yahoo.com/shoura-woman-says-more-needed-women-empowerment-085826787.html

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22: Not Exactly Superheroes

“You know what she’s thrown at me during her judgy mood swings?” Holly asked Shakira, as they were waiting for Strawberry to get ready to go out.
“No…what exactly?” Shakira adjusted her headscarf, which she decided to wear in a more fitted style for today.
“An empty can of tuna, a lit joint, an apple core and a cat.” Holly sighed. Normally, when an ex-Domes/New Washington woman got pregnant, she would have the baby transferred to one of the incubator jars in the crèches at about 4 months, but Jessica 6 and several friends decided to give birth to and raise their children themselves. Holly was a target for their bitchings, because until 3 days ago she was 18 weeks pregnant with twins and had them transferred.
“Why would she do that? You were pregnant too.”
“I’m different and that’s bad. She doesn’t understand that for me, motherhood isn’t freedom because I value my independence like you…and if being a mother is freedom then I don’t want her freedom.”
Shakira smiled a little. “Now you know a little of what it is to be judged for wearing hijab. Jessica judges me too, for both this and my choice to not have children”, she said, touching her scarf.
Their conversation was interrupted by Strawberry bursting into the room. “AAAAAAAAHH! I was just checking my email and someone told me that there is a dirty video of me on SpaceTube!”
“Strawberry this is why I told you-“
“No Shakira. This was one of me and Elvis; I don’t film myself having sex and neither does he!” She half-jumped onto the couch, a little like a rag doll. “I remember that day, it was the day I met Farrah, then Elvis found me…” she trailed off. “The channel belongs to some people who call themselves the Medikidz.”**
Shakira was shocked. “The Medikidz? I know them, they’re a group of 5 ‘superheroes’ from some physics-defying planet who cannot comprehend anything outside of conventional medicine, but they still give medical advice to kids! And then there’s the stalking and property damage!”
Elvis then entered the room. “Wait you know these people? And they do this all the time?”
“Unfortunately yes”, Shakira said. “I also know where to find them if you want to confront them about their behaviour.”
“Sure! They have dozens of stalking videos and it’s time they stopped!”
“I wanna be known again for my music, not for having sex with an old friend!” Elvis added.
“Well step into my TARDIS and we can end this nonsense” Shakira replied, getting up.
Once they were standing at her TARDIS console, she entered the co-ordinates and explained, “They live on a planet that resembles a human body, but this is in a galaxy where the laws of nature do not always apply so for them this is normal.” As soon as they took off, the TARDIS walls began to shake.
“Ow!” Strawberry said as she fell to the floor, unable to hold onto anything due to her lack of arms.
“That would be the lightning. I always have trouble going to this galaxy” Shakira sighed.
They landed somewhere in the non-sentient human body’s brain, just outside their ‘enemies’ headquarters. Strawberry then walked up to the front door, and knocked it with one foot. “Hello? Helloooooo?” There was no answer. “Maybe they’re not home.”
Holly paused. “Wait, I can hear something…it sounds like some guys with big egos!” She led them to the source, which wasn’t very far, actually in a nearby sinus cavity.
“Salaam aleikum, where are the Medikidz?” Shakira asked. The only…’people’ around were some squishy looking aliens in uniform. These pointed down to four left over zip lines that seemed to lead to wherever these so-called superheroes were.
“We have to go down those?” Strawberry sighed, as her lack of arms was currently bothering her.
“Baby what about that thing you did with the stripper’s pole? You locked your feet together to slide down it” suggested Elvis, enjoying this memory.
“Sure if I don’t mind going head first…oh fine” she said, and continued, “if I land on my head Shakira can have me healed in three days!” then stuck her tongue out.
“Okay, let us see where this goes” mumbled Shakira, and then grabbed the coat-hanger-ish thing attached to one of the lines. Holly was next, for although she was a little timid, Shakira did make her feel safe; then it was Elvis’ turn, and finally, Strawberry’s, after she fit her legs through the hanger-thing and held on tight as gravity did its work. It seemed that everyone could hear the loud “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” coming from the four; Strawberry was screaming the loudest. They fell/glided around the midbrain and into the spinal column, zipping down the body’s neck, and after this they slowed down as they ended their trip in one of the arms. “Ow!” Shakira exclaimed as she let go and fell to the ground (it appeared to be a bone), then Holly faceplanted on the ground/bone, and so did Elvis. Strawberry horizontally faceplanted onto the side of a muscle and was pushed back a little. “Hey can I have some help here?” she asked, so then Shakira and Elvis picked her up and let her get back on her feet.
Holly got up, walked over and rested her head on Shakira. “So…we’re in a giant arm?”
Shakira scanned their surroundings with her sonic screwdriver. “Yes we are, and this defies the laws of nature as I know them.”
“Hey there’s a sign…it says ‘this way to bone marrow’ and it’s pointing to those stairs!” Elvis said.
“I assume they’ve gone down there”, replied Shakira as she headed over to the stairs. “I think the ground is vibrating, they are probably doing something silly.” The others followed her, as she seemed to know these people and their antics quite well.
“Oh COME ON!” Shakira yelled once they were inside the bone marrow. The Medikidz, an assortment of freaks and some human kid were singing – something to do with leukaemia.
“And they do this, all the time?” Strawberry asked flatly.
“It has been known. They are idiots after all.”
“Why is that something to sing about?” Holly asked.
“They have their own brand of education. That is all I can say about it.”
Strawberry rolled her eyes. “Hey listen! Why are you using chemo when you have cannabis oil, you have nutritional therapies which go great with the oil, and what about antineoplastons? Burzynski is a sweetie pie and a genius!”
The freak-things and Medikidz weren’t having any of it. They answered with:
#“No, no, no, noooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
It is better by far
To keep things as they are
Don’t mess with the flow, no, no
Stick to the status quo”#
“Hey! We don’t see cancer as often as, say, Earth, but this IS what we know and losing patients more often than once a decade makes you a bad doctor by our standards!” Shakira added, getting pissed off by the weirdos that inhabit Mediland. Said weirdos responded with a “Stick to the status- Stick to the status- Stick to the status quo!” and an assault of pies to all four of their faces.
“What the hell is your problem?” Elvis demanded to know. He was usually patient, but who could maintain that around people like this?
“We’re the Medikidz!” the offending ‘superheroes’ announced.
“I KNOW!” Strawberry interrupted them before they could start their corny introduction. “You filmed me and Elvis having sex in my car and put it on SpaceTube!” she explained. Holly scowled at them while eating the residual pie still on her face.
“Hey you’re the hot bum doctor in one of our videos!” the stupid fat one said.
“Bum doctor? Does anyone ever punch you for saying that? The word is ‘proctologist’” Strawberry corrected him. “You’re gonna take that video of me and Elvis down, or, umm, or we’re gonna get all the police who’ve tried to arrest you for vandalising stuff and bring them here!”
“The TARDIS is bigger on the inside so yes we can do that!” Shakira threatened. “And I have done it before!”
“Alright if you promise not to come back here, we’ll delete it”, the stupid blonde one said.
“Only if we see you deleting it”, Strawberry added, and Elvis agreed.
“Okay, deal then.”
They all went back to their headquarters, where Strawberry and Elvis watched them delete the video off of both their SpaceTube account and their computer. After this, they parted ways, as the Medikidz went back to their shenanigans and the four went back to Shakira’s TARDIS, to do something a bit more sane then the brainfuck that their day so far had been.

(**A/N: a fucking weird comic series where the MK’s get away with everything stupid they do and ignore alternative medicine. I had to make fun of them)

10: The Lake

“Hey! I found a goldfish!” Farrah yelled.
“Yeah some of Shakira’s work friends threw their fish’s babies into the lake to see what would happen”, Holly 13 answered. They were swimming in the lake near Holly’s house, a sparkling blue body of water sustained by a large waterfall. Holly was wearing a blue strapless bikini, while Farrah had a low-cut white onepiece swimsuit and a little more hair on her head. Alice, Farrah’s kitten, was tied to a nearby willow tree by her leash.
“You okay?” Holly asked.
Farrah smiled. “Two days ago I found out that I actually don’t have cancer, just a lot of problems from the chemo, so I’m better than what I thought I was.”
“That’s great!” Holly said while jumping out of the water, then falling back down.
“Yeah, that means the doctors in Germany were right, but for some reason I can’t talk to them! And my YouTube account got deleted yesterday after I posted a video of my doctors –Shakira, Strawberry and even Dex- all saying that I’m in ‘remission’. I even got a message from the website telling me that my doctors are banned from YouTube!”
“What about Linda?”
“She kept disagreeing with the others, and I don’t really need her anyway…too bad she’s Strawberry’s roommate.” Holly laughed, and then the two almost identical women chased some of the colourful fish thrown into the lake. Farrah was either staying with Shakira, Strawberry, or anyone she was only friends with, but not Dex as she could easily be caught if she was with him.
“Salaam aleikum everyone!” Shakira and Saghira appeared, in a 1920’s swimsuit and a burqini, respectively. They both jumped into the water instead of walking in, so there were now two sets of identical women in the lake. Shakira now looked exactly like her twin, as the water somewhat straightened her hair, which was described by some as a living mass of tentacles. It was the afternoon, so Shakira had finished work.
“Hey Shakira, what’s it like having a sister? We’re grown in jars and aren’t told about our family so I don’t know.”
“Like a best friend!” she said, then Saghira added, “But closer! Even though I am married I consider my last name to still be Seddiqi because I always want the same name as my sister.”
“Awwww!” both Farrah and Holly squeaked at the same time, as the twins hugged each other.
Farrah swam over to Shakira. “Shakira! Ryan and Alana had something to do with the hospital taking my legal rights!”
“They did what?”, Shakira and Saghira asked at the same time, then looked at each other.
“They wanted to take my money and the hospital is in the pockets of the drug industry, who doesn’t want me telling the world the truth about stuff.”
“That’s terrible!” Saghira said as both of the twins hugged Farrah. “But you can count on me and my sister, and you have other friends right?”
“Thanks, and yeah I have Jaclyn and Kate and others so I’m not lonely on Earth. But I thought Alana and especially Ryan wanted to help me, I should have known they were like this.”
“Hey you wanna come over tonight? I spent last night with a potato farmer- he grows other vegetables, but mostly potatoes- and I know of some other sexy farmers too, both men and women!” Holly offered.
“Maybe some other time, I’d be too tired for tonight.”
“I don’t care much for potatoes”, Shakira stated. Saghira added, “Whose idea was it to add potatoes to curries? They just don’t belong there….Farrah I know you seem to still be tired easily, but are you any better than last week when we found Alice?”
“Yes I am! It’s not just everything Shakira’s doing for me and telling me to do, ever since I was told that I don’t have cancer I’ve been able to sleep better!” Saghira said: “I have been asking Shakira how you are every time she says she has seen you”, then they embraced each other.
Holly splashed Saghira to get her attention. “So what you been doing?”
“I enrolled for a diploma of beauty therapy, which starts on the first of August so I have been getting ready for that! Our cousin Fawzia says that I can work in her salon after I finish it”, she told the blonde.
“Great! I’m a nurse and I mostly work in plastic surgery.”
The four talked some more and were swimming some more, until the sun began to set and it started to get cold. They then got out of the lake and wrapped their towels around themselves, a little cold but happy.
“MEEEEOW!” It turned out that Alice had got herself stuck up the willow tree, and was now demanding to be set free. She wasn’t up very high, she was just not yet confident at climbing, so Farrah only had to get up on her toes and stretch her arms out to get the little kitten. “There you are sweetie….mwah!” She kissed her ‘baby’ and said, “I guess we better get going now; I’ll see you again soon Holly!” as she left with Shakira.

7: Complications

[A/N: I challenge any fanfiction writer reading this to write something answering this: What would happen if all (or at least 5) of Farrah Fawcett’s characters met? (not the psychotic one who killed her kids, just the non-dangerous ones) My guess is they would probably do something illegal or at least be (adorable) pests. ]

 

“Ow!” Dex ran into a pole near the stairs of the alien club. “Dammit I was trying to be sexy!”

“No one else can see you but us, Dex”, Strawberry said and rolled her eyes. “Keep your glasses on next time so you won’t embarrass yourself.”

“They make me look like a dork!” he answered, rubbing his face and doing as he was told. Shakira laughed, so did Holly and Linda Lee, one of Strawberry’s friends who agreed to help out. She worked in Chinese medicine, and like Strawberry and Shakira, could choose her own hours. All five of them had gone out for dinner at the club in Dreg’s Den and were now on their way home. When they got back to their ships, they noticed someone running towards them. The pretty-boi in a suit saw them, yelled out “HEY!”, then tripped over. “Who are you?” Linda asked as the others stared.

He stood up and answered: “My name is Lawrence Piro.”

“And you are…..?

“Farrah’s former doctor, now I’m looking for her current ones”, he said with a touch of pride. Shakira’s eyes looked as if they were about to jump out of her head. “YOU BASTARD!” she yelled, smacking him across the face, “YOU FUCKING POISONED HER WITH THAT CHEMO CRAP WHEN THERE ARE OTHER WAYS AND ALL IT DID WAS MAKE HER WORSE!”

“Do you think I enjoyed it? The pharmaceutical companies have my entire profession BY THE BALLS so if I even SUGGEST anything other than chemo, radiation or surgery I’ll lose my licence and get my ass thrown in jail! They don’t even want us knowing about nutritional medicine!”

Shakira paused. “So you are on our side?” she asked, her pride a little damaged by the fact that she misjudged someone yet again.

“Yes. Yes I am” he answered, with his hand still on his face. “And I take it that one or more of you are her new doctors?”

Strawberry replied with “Except for Holly, yes we all are”, because it was bordering on impossible for someone to stick to such a precise nutritional therapy all on their own if they didn’t have the energy to do all the cooking/shopping/cleaning, and appropriate hired help was impossible to find on their planet.  She didn’t feel like explaining this to him, and would have preferred to write the web address of the Gerson Institute* on his face, as she didn’t currently have much respect for him either.

“Uhh…how did you know we were here?” Holly asked, getting a little creeped out.

“Farrah said where she was in her video diary on YouTube.” Dex  facepalmed, then Lawrence continued, “I’m sure she didn’t know that her YouTube habit would get any of you in trouble.”

Holly then squeaked, “What do you mean by trouble?” Shakira immediately started thinking about the Time Lord police, who didn’t approve of anyone using a TARDIS to change anything in the universe whether it involved time travel or not. She was sure she was being followed earlier today when she went to see Jill Munroe. It seemed to be a law of the universe that Shakira had to be the doctor of all the non-psychotic versions of Farrah.  

“You know how certain companies will stop at nothing to protect their empire? Well they aren’t too pleased that someone so willing to share what she’s doing about her health problems with the world is healing herself naturally, because it can’t be patented, so they got the hospital to take her power of attorney.”

“THEY DID WHAT?” everyone yelled at the same time.

“Yeah, it’s kinda unsafe for her to go back to Los Angeles. They can legally force her to go back on chemo and to stay away from nutritional therapies.”

“Hey what’s going on out here?” Farrah appeared at the TARDIS door in a silk nightie, and then Lawrence explained everything, including why he was now on their side, so she could trust him.

She was understandably shocked. “……what? Why did they do that? Where can I go?”

“You can stay with me, and you can bring any of your friends over any time”, Shakira offered, fingering the scarf that was draped over her head and matched her purple and green salwar kameez, “you can bring your son over sometimes too if you want.”

“Hey no one knows where I live, when you miss home you can stay with me too”, Dex said.  

Shakira looked over at Holly. “You want to go inside to continue talking about what we’re going to do about this?”

“Yes it’s getting cold out here”, the blonde said, her flimsy white dress blowing in the desert breeze. They all went inside Shakira’s TARDIS to her guest room, unknowingly saving themselves from the head of the hospital where Lawrence worked and where Farrah had spent too much time. The bald, overweight man and his two assistants, one an attractive brunette and the other a 30-something man with sharp features, were showing photos of Lawrence and Farrah to denizens of Dreg’s Den, and trying not to jump when they noticed the ones who didn’t look human. “And remember, DON’T tell anyone about these aliens! The government has ordered all its departments and anyone who goes here to keep quiet and leave them alone!” the head whispered to his assistants on arrival.

“Excuse me, umm…Madam? Sir?” the female assistant asked. “Have you seen either of these people? We’re looking for them.”

“I prefer ‘madam’…..”, he winked, “and have you seen….this man?” Frank N Furter asked, producing a photo of Elvis Presley and giving her a dramatic look.

“That’s Elvis Presley! He died years ago!” said the woman, confused.

“I know, I brought him back to life….hahaha!”

“Okay I know this place is crawling with aliens but I don’t believe what you’re saying. You obviously have no grasp on reality.” By this time, the head had become aware of their conversation.

“How DARE you question my scientific skills and how DARE YOU insinuate that I, Dr Frank Nigel Furter, am mentally unstable! OW!” The head attacked him from behind, whacking him over the head with a baseball bat originally intended for Farrah’s doctors (who the fuck else?). “We’ll take this one back to the psych ward, maybe he knows something, but he sure needs to be locked away.” And so, accepting their temporary failure, they tied up Frank N Furter, put him in the boot of their car and started to drive back to Los Angeles.

 

*That would be: http://gerson.org/gerpress/

4: Changing Faces

Holly leant over the bed to take Farrah’s hand, then licked it to get her attention.

“Hey! What did you do that for?”

They both giggled. “Because….!”

It was necessary to wait at least 2 weeks from the last round of chemo if one was going to start the Gerson therapy, so Shakira suggested that she had intravenous vitamin C every day for the next two weeks while they were waiting, because of the many relevant health benefits. After she had inserted the IV, she kissed Farrah’s cheek and left to call Zora, a former J’naii space pirate who owned a store selling many natural medicines, including and especially medicinal cannabis. However, Zora still went on the occasional raid, and despite leaving the room, Holly and Farrah could still hear Shakira talking to the genderless alien. When she came back, Holly asked: “You know how we have portable versions of things like the laser scalpel and instant healer that we use in plastic surgery? The healer has a setting for burns…you want me to heal your face? I wanted to ask last night but we had no time.”

“Really? That is wonderful! Of course you can!” Shakira had horrible red chemical burns on half of her face and hands because of the chemo, which made her want to punch Farrah’s oncologist.

“Okay!” Holly smiled and picked up the healer. She turned it on and slowly moved it over her friend’s hands, then her face, holding her hair back and watching the burns disappear instantly. “Does it feel any different?” she asked while turning the healer off.

“Yes it doesn’t hurt to move anything”, Shakira answered, then hugged Holly, “thankyou.”

As always, Farrah heard everything. “Could those make me look young again?”

“Sure!” Holly replied, “but I’d have to find someone trained in plastic surgery”.

Farrah gave them her phone. “Look under the notes and you’ll find someone named Dex Ramirez. He’s the better plastic surgeon I’ve seen.” Shakira dialled the number.

Salaam aleikum? This is Shakira Seddiqi…yes I am Farrah’s new doctor, yes she is off that chemo bullshit and doing something better. Yes she wants to see you, and I have something cool to show you. Where are you? Dreg’s Den? So am I! I will be right over there!” She hung up and said, “He is here, and says I can come over and get him” then left. Holly put her arm around Farrah and asked, “You any better than last night?”

“Yeah, just a little.”

“She says that the vitamin C will help fix your immune system, and all this other stuff I can’t exactly remember.”

“I remember everything she said.”

Shakira eventually returned with a sexy Latino man wearing a muscle shirt and thick glasses, which made him look like a nerd in his opinion, on top of his head.

Buenos dias Farrah how are you? I was just here spending the night with the lovely Strawberry Fields; her reputation is very accurate you know?” So she came in her time-spaceship a day early to troll for men, Shakira thought.

“That’s my proctologist! I see her tomorrow because she won’t be mean to me or Shakira for what we’re doing, unlike everyone else here!”

“Okay then you will see how beautiful she is. Like a red-haired Marilyn Monroe.” He put his glasses on and asked: “Now what is this cool thing you want to show me?”

“These things…Farrah wanted me to make her look young again but only a plastic surgeon can use the scalpel, and I don’t have a manual so Shakira can’t learn.” Holly handed the scalpel and healer over, and told him how to use them.

“I guess I can get started then? I’m sure it will be easy, you look just like her Holly” Dex said with his loud El Salvadorian accent. He sat down on the chair that Holly was previously occupying, and asked “Farrah can you take your beanie off, and Holly can you sit on the bed where I can see your face?”

Shakira walked over. “I’m going to see Zora now, she is in my timeline so I have to take us there, but you can stay here okay?” She went out to the TARDIS console to enter the right co-ordinates.

“Well I guess I will get started then”, he said to nobody in particular and turned them on.

“These are painless?” …

“Hehe Farrah most people I see at work close their eyes during surgery even though they don’t feel anything and you’re keeping them open”

“I’m used to this stuff, especially after the last few years”

“Yeah Shakira called your medical history a depressing novel” …

Soon, Dex had finished the surgery, and had Farrah looking exactly the way she did 30 years ago. Too bad the US government would be on his ass in about 5 seconds for using alien technology, even though they were human aliens.

“These are awesome Holly! I wish I was allowed to use them at work, they are painless and I could heal people instantly! Farrah you always healed very well, but I have known some people who had the most horrible recoveries.” Holly gave Farrah a mirror, then removed her IV because the bag that once contained the vitamin C was now empty.

“THANKYOUUU!” she yelled, and hugged Dex because she could now that both her arms were free.

“You’re welcome mi amiga” he answered. Just then, Shakira returned, and entered her spare bedroom where the others were, after returning the TARDIS to 2009 Dreg’s Den. 

Salaam al- Dex you are amazing! She looks just like she did the first time we were friends!” She ran over and embraced her friend while kissing her on both cheeks.

“Aww…thank you again… I must be going, Strawberry was expecting me to come back” Dex smiled and left the closet TARDIS, happy with life in general, as everything today had gone just perfectly.

 

A/N: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22963460

        http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19246295

         http://www.vitaminccancure.org.nz/

3: Reunion

“You gonna be alright Holly, like is it really dangerous to change the past?” asked Holly’s best friend, Diana 8.
“Yes! If anyone tries to kill us, Shakira has a gun and knows how to fight, okay? She said she might teach me to use a gun if I want to learn.” Diana was very protective of her friends, and she rescued Holly when she was injured during an attack by the Sandmen. Together they helped save the babies after the Domes collapsed.
“What the fuck is that?” Diana yelled as Shakira’s TARDIS, which took the form of a Victorian closet, materialised right in front of them.
Shakira stepped out of her closet TARDIS. “Salaam aleikum! You ready Holly?”
“I think I’m ready as I’ll ever be” she answered, both excited and nervous at the same time.
Diana thought: She is so loud! And what are those things in her ears? If they help her to hear, maybe they aren’t doing a very good job! She reminds me of David 7…I wonder what the sexy bastard is doing tonight, and said “Anyway, good luck Holly!”
“Thankyouuu!” Holly said, and entered the TARDIS. “What about you, are you ready for this?”
“My answer is the same as yours. I haven’t seen Farrah in years, 10 years for her and 14 years for me.” Shakira typed in the necessary co-ordinates, and there was a buzzing sound as they flew through time and space.
“And we are here!” she declared, the TARDIS stopping and audibly hitting the ground. Holly opened the doors, and found that they landed on a large patch of grass behind a massive, white-walled hospital, next to the carpark.
“So what are we gonna do?” she asked, still getting used to the fact that she had not only just travelled through space, but also time.
“We will find her room, give her these” –she held up a bunch of papers- “and get her out. Without getting our asses kicked. Remember?”
“Why is this so dangerous? It’s not like we’re kidnapping her. Oh…now I remember everything you said.”
“First of all, there is the Time Lord police, if they noticed the changes to the time line. Second, some of the most powerful people in the world don’t want anyone to know that cancer is curable already, especially by non-patentable means. I don’t want her to end up like Steve McQueen, or for us to end up like Max Gerson.”
“Okay…this is a weird planet” Holly replied, a little shocked at the attitudes of the rich and powerful. The Time Lord police were understandable; they were just authoritarian jerks. They left the TARDIS, then Shakira locked it and they proceeded towards the fire stairs.
She opened the door with a possibly bought, possibly stolen, sonic screwdriver. The fire stairs corridor carried sound everywhere.
“We have to whisper in here; she is on the third floor, west side, fifth room from the fire exit so it will be a long walk” Shakira said in the quietest voice possible.
“I’m nervous” squeaked Holly.
“So am I, this is not like anything I’ve done before…when you know them, it’s different.”
The two eventually reached the fire exit, or, entrance to the main part of the hospital. As it should be, the door was unlocked, so they were free to go inside. “Just act like we aren’t doing anything unusual” the Pashtun alien said while carefully looking around. When they had reached their destination, her heart and mind stopped once more. She was almost unable to stand seeing Farrah thoroughly fucked by cancer and chemo, and stood there shaking as Holly closed the door behind them. “Go on, you can do it, you’ve come this far” Holly whispered, nudging her new friend.
“Salaam aleikum, remember me?” Shakira said quietly. Farrah’s sparkling blue eyes fluttered open.
“I know that voice…..Shakira? Shakira Seddiqi? Is it really you?”
By this time, Shakira was crying again. “Yes it is me! I missed you, I love you so much, my sister!”
“It’s okay Shakira, don’t-”
“Don’t tell me not to worry about you! Just let me cry for you…”
They held each other for a while, and then Farrah asked, “What are you doing here?” in sign language, to show that she remembered what her friend had taught her, and to keep them out of trouble. If Shakira wasn’t touching her, she wouldn’t have believed that any of this was real.
“I have come to save you! If you want to live, you must come with me!” Shakira signed back and handed over the papers on the failure of chemo (therapy my ass!, she thought), the original timeline and the best alternatives.
“I can’t believe it, so they lied…or were at least lied to…”
“I am sorry, but yes, it is the truth.”
“I don’t want to spend another second here. Can you take this out for me?” Farrah held out her arm, showing the IV line delivering the prescribed chemo into the worst place possible.
“Of course I will!” Shakira signed as she knelt on the floor, gently removing the needle which she had been eyeing disapprovingly. “Your veins have almost collapsed!…OW!” she said out loud, because the chemo had dripped onto her hand, burning her. “FUCK!” She accidentally pulled the IV bag off its stand, resulting in it falling, breaking open and burning half of her face and both hands. “OW MY HANDS! OW MY FACE! WHAT GENOCIDAL BASTARD INVENTED THIS?? FUCKING NAZIS!!”
“Are you alright?” both Holly and Farrah asked at the exact same time.
“Yes, it just burns” she said, getting up to wash her face and hands. Farrah got out of bed to get her bags, pausing to stop herself from throwing up.
“I don’t think she’ll be okay to walk back to the TARDIS” Holly whispered to Shakira.
“I think you’re right” answered Farrah; she had surprisingly good hearing.
“Well there is an unguarded stretcher out there” Shakira mouthed and signed so both could understand her.
“You’re not gonna steal that are you?” Holly asked.
“I already have one, so no; I will just leave it out on the grass where our TARDIS is.”
“Okay” answered Holly as she picked up Farrah’s bags. Farrah made herself comfortable on the stolen borrowed stretcher, pulling her beanie over her eyes because of the perpetually bright hospital lights. “Can you open the fire door for me?” Shakira asked. Holly did some combination of creeping and running towards the door, then opened it just before Shakira could ram it with the not technically stolen stretcher. She ran after her new friends as fast as possible in order to catch up with them, which was hard because instead of slowing down when she reached the stairs, Shakira would jump on the stretcher and steer it. This wasn’t bothering Farrah at all, the anti-emetic medication had kicked in and she just held on tight. When they reached the second fire door, the momentum meant that this time, Shakira did ram the door open, and left it that way so Holly didn’t have to open it again. “THEY’RE FOLLOWING US!” she yelled as they raced across the grass back to the TARDIS.
“They won’t be following us anymore!” Shakira said back. She unlocked her TARDIS, then let Farrah and Holly in before she came in and had to lock it up to prevent the angry nurses from entering.
“Where are we going?” Farrah asked while sitting on the floor.
“Dreg’s Den in Roswell, no law enforcement goes there!” said Shakira. After typing in more co-ordinates, they were there in about five seconds.
“We’re safe now?”
“Yes!”
“Great, I’m so tired.”
Holly looked to where she was sitting. “I’m not surprised; if you have no hair then I don’t want to know what that stuff did to you on the inside.”
“So am I, I could not sleep last night” Shakira helped Farrah stand up. “Let’s just go to bed now.”

A/N: http://www.naturalnews.com/039772_chemotherapy_treatment_cancer_clinics.html
http://www.naturalnews.com/034075_chemotherapy_cancer_cells.html

“Environmental pollution is the underlying cause of 80% of all chronic degenerative diseases.” World Health Organization, 1974

2: Past

The young Pashtun woman walked through the apple trees, pissed off and writing on Spacebook: Rose Tyler, who do you think you are? So wearing a headscarf means I am completely dependent, both financially and socially, on men? Yes Thera is similar to 1970s Earth but we are much more egalitarian and your stupid ideas are not even able to be applied to Earth women! And NO we don’t have a Taliban or anything like that!

She abruptly finished typing and hit “comment”, as she saw someone she did not expect to see with a TARDIS- Sarah Jane Smith.

“Shakira! What are you doing here?”  Sarah tolerated Shakira at the best, and wanted to see her arrested at worst. Her crime was changing the past, sometimes for fun, sometimes to help friends, and sometimes in her work as a freelance doctor, since her TARDIS could convert any currency. To be exact, she was an NMD, having studied nutritional and herbal medicine instead of pharmaceutical drugs, as well as surgery. If any drugs were needed, it wasn’t often that she had to order them in.

“I was seeing patients today; the last one was Logan 5.”

“I was showing Luke how resilient people can be, because I knew that this Earth had their Washington DC rebuilt within three years of the people of the City of Domes being liberated, led by two Dome citizens and one homeless man”, Sarah proudly replied.  

“Where the fuck did you get a TARDIS?”

“Don’t talk like that, and The Doctor gave it to me. Where did you get yours? I thought only Time Lords had them.”

“Any Theran with a TARDIS stole TARDIS coral to grow one.”

“Yes, I also knew that and the fact that no respectable Time Lord would seek any of you out for any reason other than to arrest you, because you are seen as criminals.”

Shakira wanted to change the subject before she got an overpowering urge to punch this woman. “Well, Logan likes me. Have you met him?”

“No, not yet…I have met that sweet little Holly 13.”

Shakira rolled her eyes, as she did not like Holly, they were just too different. “She is annoying, but I had a friend who looked exactly like her. The US government broke in to her house and destroyed our means of communicating so I haven’t heard from her since then.

“Was your friend Farrah Fawcett?”

She jumped a little. “Yes! How did you know?”

“I had a feeling it was her.”

Shakira was, obviously, excited at the opportunity to reunite with her long lost friend. “Do you know how I can see her?”

Sarah’s mood suddenly darkened. “You can’t. She died several years ago”, she said as she handed Shakira a news article.

“Wait…what?” Her deep brown eyes widened and scanned the article several times over. Time felt like it had stopped; her mind had stopped.

Sarah repeated what she always said in these situations: “Everything has its time, and everything ends.”

“FUCK YOU!” Shakira answered, and ran back to her stolen TARDIS. Sarah was offended, but not surprised, and didn’t go after her. Instead she went back to where Luke was with the old man, who she preferred to this alien criminal.

Not looking where she was going, Shakira ran into Holly.

“Ow!”

“Hey!” You stupid little bitch!

“Shakira!” she gasped. “Are you alright?” Holly didn’t like seeing anyone cry, even if they pissed her off.

“No, why would I be when this happened to a friend?” she answered, showed Holly the news article Sarah printed off and dropped to the ground crying. Holly read it, and in tears herself, wrapped her arms around Shakira. “I’m so sorry…but you can do something, can’t you?”

Shakira looked up, Holly’s arms pulling on her orange headscarf that matched her salwar kameez. “Now that I can think again, yes.” Logan walked past, amazed that they weren’t fighting or pushing each other away.

“What is it?” Holly really wanted to know, and the distaste they had for each other was beginning to melt away.

“I can cure cancer. I know of things like the Gerson therapy and cannabis oil, actually those may be the best things for her.”

Holly smiled, many people would swear she could light up a dark room by doing just that. “See? You don’t have to be sad and give up.”

Manana”, Shakira was also smiling now. “It will take a long time but it is possible, I can save her.”

“Hey…can I help? Like, sometimes when I’m not working?”

“Yes you can.” They both paused, then embraced each other.

“I’m sorry about everything I said and everything I did!”

“So am I! I was wrong about you!” Shakira only said she was wrong if she really meant it, never simply to please anyone.

“Can we be friends now?”

“Of course we can!” They both got up, Holly straightening her glittering green dress, which she always wore to work, and Shakira moving her scarf, covering most of her tightly curled hair again.

“I will show you my TARDIS, do you want to make plans tonight and go back in time tomorrow?”

“Okay, I finish work at 5:30, maybe we can meet outside?” Holly worked as a surgical and post-op nurse, mostly for plastic surgery. She preferred taking care of people who were having elective surgery than that of the emergency variety.

“Yes we can, I will land my TARDIS there.”

“Great!” This was Holly’s first time changing the past, and her first trip through time. Her original plans were to bring someone home for sex, for this was a free-love society, but her new plans were much more exciting. She was thinking: Will she like me? I hope she won’t be scared of me because I look like her. How are we gonna save her? Will it be dangerous? What is Los Angeles like? Where is it? Did they ever have to rebuild their city from a war? Does everyone live by themselves or with their friends like us, or do they have families like they did here in the old days?