23: Judoon Platoon

Farrah stared out the window of what was once her room at Alpenpark, before picking up the necklace she had forgotten some months earlier. Ursula was there too, but they decided to arrive on Farrah’s timeline because Ursula could explain the four years that she had been gone much easier than Farrah’s situation. She got up from the floor again, and continued to look out at the Bad Wiessee lake and the forests and mountains of the greenest green possible behind it. It had just started to rain…but Farrah had noticed something strange about the way it was falling, for the rain was not falling down, but up! She ran out to where Ursula was, chatting with the nurses who were also all over Farrah as soon as they saw her. They would have liked to meet Shakira, the unofficial Queen of Farrah’s doctors (including all other health care-givers), but she was too busy that day with the New Washington hospital and her own clients. “Ursula! It’s raining but the rain’s falling up!” Farrah yelled out, and then screamed. Out the window, she could not see the lake anymore, because they had somehow been transported to the moon! The nurses and everyone else started to completely freak out, except for Ursula. “Farrah, I know who has taken us to the moon, they are the enemies of my father. They are trying to-“ She was cut off by the sound of several Judoon storming their way in to the front desk, ordering the receptionist – an English expat – to hand Ursula over. Once they understood that she could not speak their language, one of them pinned the hysterical young woman to the wall, scanned her brain, and then said, “Language assimilation complete”, in the woman’s thick Cockney accent. It then repeated itself: “Bring us Ursula Jacobs! She is guilty of the crime of altering history and is a strategic advantage in our fight against the Sontarans!” The receptionist just screamed.

“What are we gonna do?” Farrah whispered, eyeing the window.

“They won’t let them go without me”, Ursula answered. “We have to escape, and make them follow us for them to return everyone to Earth.” There was an air bubble surrounding the clinic, but the oxygen would only last for a couple of hours.

One of the Judoon made their way towards the staff room, near the front desk. There was no way out except for the window, so Ursula had to climb out of it, just fitting through. It was too late for Farrah, as when it was her turn, the rhino-beast was standing at the door. “OI! WHERE IS URSULA?” it demanded.

“I don’t know…who’s Ursula?” Farrah asked, looking for a way to distract it so she could escape. She then noticed that Ursula slipped a rheon carbine gun into her back pocket, and quickly grabbed it while she made a silly attempt to explain herself. Not wanting to kill the rhinoceros-like alien, she fired it at the gun instead, disabling it.

“You DARE disable my weaponry? I’ll kill you, you daft bint!” it announced, turning back for reinforcements. Farrah took this opportunity to climb out the window herself, and ran to Ursula.

“Are you alright?” Ursula asked quietly.

“Yeah, but he’s out to get me now too.”

Still holding the rheon carbine, Farrah followed Ursula around the corner to another window.

“The safest way to get to my car is to go through the fire stairs. The Judoon are so law abiding that they will not think of using them unless there was an actual fire.”

“And where would they be?”

“Just around the corner.” They continued on, ducking to avoid being seen through the next window. Unfortunately, one Judoon had noticed the open window, and was now chasing Farrah and Ursula. “HEY YOU! SURRENDER AT ONCE!” it demanded.

“No!” Farrah answered, and fired her rheon carbine at its gun, while Ursula did the same, frying its weapon beyond all repair. The rhino-beast alien called the others, which gave them just enough time to reach the fire exit.

“It’s locked!” Farrah said as she tried to open it.

“Okay, then stand back for me”, Ursula told her, aiming her weapon at the lock and then blasting it out of a job. They pushed the door open, and raced down the stair to the underground carpark, which was teleported along with the rest of the clinic/hospital. Ursula instantly remembered where she left her car, which she unlocked with her voice. “Ich bin Dr Ursula Jacobs”, she said, successfully opening the door to the driver’s seat. Farrah climbed in too, and then Ursula started the engine. “We must get them to notice us, or else they will search the clinic until the air runs out!” she explained, driving the car out to the front door. She then beeped the horn to get the Judoon’s attention, and Farrah turned her window down to scream “HEY YOU!”, knowing that the car’s shield would still protect her.

“They’re escaping!” warned one Judoon, and then the others began to chase the two, firing their weapons in an unsuccessful attempt to kill them. They left the air bubble behind as they started to take off into space, stopping to taunt the Judoon by circling their ship so they would definitely get followed. As was hoped, the Judoon started to chase them.

“Have they sent Alpenpark back to Earth?” Ursula asked, as she was dodging an assault of plasma cannons.

“Yeah, I saw them do that rain thing and now it’s gone again”, Farrah answered.

Das ist gut.” Ursula smiled, and turned on the invisibility-capable shield, because she wanted to go back to Earth to make sure that her former colleagues and workplace were alright, so there was no use in teleporting through the time vortex. The plasma cannons stopped firing, as the less-than-intelligent Judoon lost sight of them and got confused in a way only they could, leaving Ursula and Farrah safe to travel back to Germany.

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22: Not Exactly Superheroes

“You know what she’s thrown at me during her judgy mood swings?” Holly asked Shakira, as they were waiting for Strawberry to get ready to go out.
“No…what exactly?” Shakira adjusted her headscarf, which she decided to wear in a more fitted style for today.
“An empty can of tuna, a lit joint, an apple core and a cat.” Holly sighed. Normally, when an ex-Domes/New Washington woman got pregnant, she would have the baby transferred to one of the incubator jars in the crèches at about 4 months, but Jessica 6 and several friends decided to give birth to and raise their children themselves. Holly was a target for their bitchings, because until 3 days ago she was 18 weeks pregnant with twins and had them transferred.
“Why would she do that? You were pregnant too.”
“I’m different and that’s bad. She doesn’t understand that for me, motherhood isn’t freedom because I value my independence like you…and if being a mother is freedom then I don’t want her freedom.”
Shakira smiled a little. “Now you know a little of what it is to be judged for wearing hijab. Jessica judges me too, for both this and my choice to not have children”, she said, touching her scarf.
Their conversation was interrupted by Strawberry bursting into the room. “AAAAAAAAHH! I was just checking my email and someone told me that there is a dirty video of me on SpaceTube!”
“Strawberry this is why I told you-“
“No Shakira. This was one of me and Elvis; I don’t film myself having sex and neither does he!” She half-jumped onto the couch, a little like a rag doll. “I remember that day, it was the day I met Farrah, then Elvis found me…” she trailed off. “The channel belongs to some people who call themselves the Medikidz.”**
Shakira was shocked. “The Medikidz? I know them, they’re a group of 5 ‘superheroes’ from some physics-defying planet who cannot comprehend anything outside of conventional medicine, but they still give medical advice to kids! And then there’s the stalking and property damage!”
Elvis then entered the room. “Wait you know these people? And they do this all the time?”
“Unfortunately yes”, Shakira said. “I also know where to find them if you want to confront them about their behaviour.”
“Sure! They have dozens of stalking videos and it’s time they stopped!”
“I wanna be known again for my music, not for having sex with an old friend!” Elvis added.
“Well step into my TARDIS and we can end this nonsense” Shakira replied, getting up.
Once they were standing at her TARDIS console, she entered the co-ordinates and explained, “They live on a planet that resembles a human body, but this is in a galaxy where the laws of nature do not always apply so for them this is normal.” As soon as they took off, the TARDIS walls began to shake.
“Ow!” Strawberry said as she fell to the floor, unable to hold onto anything due to her lack of arms.
“That would be the lightning. I always have trouble going to this galaxy” Shakira sighed.
They landed somewhere in the non-sentient human body’s brain, just outside their ‘enemies’ headquarters. Strawberry then walked up to the front door, and knocked it with one foot. “Hello? Helloooooo?” There was no answer. “Maybe they’re not home.”
Holly paused. “Wait, I can hear something…it sounds like some guys with big egos!” She led them to the source, which wasn’t very far, actually in a nearby sinus cavity.
“Salaam aleikum, where are the Medikidz?” Shakira asked. The only…’people’ around were some squishy looking aliens in uniform. These pointed down to four left over zip lines that seemed to lead to wherever these so-called superheroes were.
“We have to go down those?” Strawberry sighed, as her lack of arms was currently bothering her.
“Baby what about that thing you did with the stripper’s pole? You locked your feet together to slide down it” suggested Elvis, enjoying this memory.
“Sure if I don’t mind going head first…oh fine” she said, and continued, “if I land on my head Shakira can have me healed in three days!” then stuck her tongue out.
“Okay, let us see where this goes” mumbled Shakira, and then grabbed the coat-hanger-ish thing attached to one of the lines. Holly was next, for although she was a little timid, Shakira did make her feel safe; then it was Elvis’ turn, and finally, Strawberry’s, after she fit her legs through the hanger-thing and held on tight as gravity did its work. It seemed that everyone could hear the loud “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!” coming from the four; Strawberry was screaming the loudest. They fell/glided around the midbrain and into the spinal column, zipping down the body’s neck, and after this they slowed down as they ended their trip in one of the arms. “Ow!” Shakira exclaimed as she let go and fell to the ground (it appeared to be a bone), then Holly faceplanted on the ground/bone, and so did Elvis. Strawberry horizontally faceplanted onto the side of a muscle and was pushed back a little. “Hey can I have some help here?” she asked, so then Shakira and Elvis picked her up and let her get back on her feet.
Holly got up, walked over and rested her head on Shakira. “So…we’re in a giant arm?”
Shakira scanned their surroundings with her sonic screwdriver. “Yes we are, and this defies the laws of nature as I know them.”
“Hey there’s a sign…it says ‘this way to bone marrow’ and it’s pointing to those stairs!” Elvis said.
“I assume they’ve gone down there”, replied Shakira as she headed over to the stairs. “I think the ground is vibrating, they are probably doing something silly.” The others followed her, as she seemed to know these people and their antics quite well.
“Oh COME ON!” Shakira yelled once they were inside the bone marrow. The Medikidz, an assortment of freaks and some human kid were singing – something to do with leukaemia.
“And they do this, all the time?” Strawberry asked flatly.
“It has been known. They are idiots after all.”
“Why is that something to sing about?” Holly asked.
“They have their own brand of education. That is all I can say about it.”
Strawberry rolled her eyes. “Hey listen! Why are you using chemo when you have cannabis oil, you have nutritional therapies which go great with the oil, and what about antineoplastons? Burzynski is a sweetie pie and a genius!”
The freak-things and Medikidz weren’t having any of it. They answered with:
#“No, no, no, noooooooooo
No, no, no
Stick to the stuff you know
It is better by far
To keep things as they are
Don’t mess with the flow, no, no
Stick to the status quo”#
“Hey! We don’t see cancer as often as, say, Earth, but this IS what we know and losing patients more often than once a decade makes you a bad doctor by our standards!” Shakira added, getting pissed off by the weirdos that inhabit Mediland. Said weirdos responded with a “Stick to the status- Stick to the status- Stick to the status quo!” and an assault of pies to all four of their faces.
“What the hell is your problem?” Elvis demanded to know. He was usually patient, but who could maintain that around people like this?
“We’re the Medikidz!” the offending ‘superheroes’ announced.
“I KNOW!” Strawberry interrupted them before they could start their corny introduction. “You filmed me and Elvis having sex in my car and put it on SpaceTube!” she explained. Holly scowled at them while eating the residual pie still on her face.
“Hey you’re the hot bum doctor in one of our videos!” the stupid fat one said.
“Bum doctor? Does anyone ever punch you for saying that? The word is ‘proctologist’” Strawberry corrected him. “You’re gonna take that video of me and Elvis down, or, umm, or we’re gonna get all the police who’ve tried to arrest you for vandalising stuff and bring them here!”
“The TARDIS is bigger on the inside so yes we can do that!” Shakira threatened. “And I have done it before!”
“Alright if you promise not to come back here, we’ll delete it”, the stupid blonde one said.
“Only if we see you deleting it”, Strawberry added, and Elvis agreed.
“Okay, deal then.”
They all went back to their headquarters, where Strawberry and Elvis watched them delete the video off of both their SpaceTube account and their computer. After this, they parted ways, as the Medikidz went back to their shenanigans and the four went back to Shakira’s TARDIS, to do something a bit more sane then the brainfuck that their day so far had been.

(**A/N: a fucking weird comic series where the MK’s get away with everything stupid they do and ignore alternative medicine. I had to make fun of them)

21: E Is For

“Hey Shakira, can we go back to Earth this afternoon? To my timeline?” Farrah asked. Shakira had the afternoon off, well, once she rescued Farrah from a mild but inconvenient healing reaction, and so did Farrah.
“Okay…why do you want to go home?” She re-secured one of the hair pins that were keeping her enormous pink scarf wrapped around her head.
“I want to sneak into the head of the hospital’s office to do some investigating, because I want to know exactly what their plans are”, answered Farrah, partly because she had been quite shaken by the false allegations that she was dying and planning her own funeral.
“So do I, actually. Wouldn’t the truth about your life sell better? A false positive diagnosis that was made to protect the corporations is much more interesting than someone dying.”
“Even when you take out all the space and time travel and aliens!” Farrah agreed. She ran to get her camera, and once she returned, put it in her handbag.
“You are not going to film all of this are you?” asked Shakira as she unlocked her TARDIS.
“No, just put any pictures I take online.” This was a safe thing to do now, since Farrah was living with Ursula on the almost exactly Earth-like Kos III. Shakira opened the door so that Farrah could enter, and then closed the door once she had followed her.
“Alright your timeline is the 1st of June, 2009, location…Los Angeles…” Shakira trailed off, finishing the co-ordinates. She let her TARDIS fly on its own, but once they were almost there she took control to land it perfectly in the corner of the head’s office. “And we are here!” she announced.
“Are you gonna turn it off again?” Farrah asked.
“I think that would be the safest option”, she said, “and you don’t mind me speaking in sign language?”
“No, actually you’re really loud so I was gonna ask if we could just use sign language here.”
Shakira laughed. “I get that all the time”, she agreed, as she switched off her TARDIS and decided to keep her hearing aids on for safety purposes, as well as not locking her TARDIS in order to save time if they got caught.
Farrah was the first of the two to step into the head’s office, looking around and taking in everything. It was on the top floor, and had a massive window that almost took up the entire wall. There was a big, fancy desk near the window, and a near-matching bookcase up against another wall; both of these were the same colour of wood that Shakira’s TARDIS appeared to be. Farrah paused to enjoy the view before going straight for the desk drawers. Shakira guarded the door. After what seemed like forever, Farrah walked over to Shakira, and signed, “I found nothing in his desk, but I found this key for the filing cabinets…Can you look in the bookcase for anything he could be hiding in there?”
“Yes, I can use my sonic screwdriver to warn us about anyone who’s coming.”
It turned out that Shakira did not need to scour the bookcase for any documents detailing dastardly plans, for Farrah let out a tiny gasp after five minutes of searching.
“Shakira look! I was going through E, I don’t know, I was just thinking ‘E for Evil Plans’, and then I found this!” Shakira’s star patient/dear friend was holding up a thin cream folder, with a paperclip securing its contents.
“What does it say?” she signed back. The noises coming from the sonic screwdriver suddenly changed to something more urgent sounding. “Someone is coming! We can read them in the TARDIS!” she sign-yelled, and then the two ran a few steps back into the TARDIS.
Shakira locked the door from the inside. “I am taking us back to your house”, she spoke, as the head of the hospital scratched his head and exclaimed, “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CLOSET DOING HERE?” He had another surprise, as the ‘closet’ dematerialised in front of him on its way back to somewhere safer. “FUCKING HELL! Cocaine is NOT in my plans again for tonight!”
“Now, tell me what you found”, Shakira requested as they were still in flight. Farrah removed some of the pages and placed them on the console for them to read.
“They’re going to reduce the world’s population by 90%, by poisoning everyone.”
“You mean eugenics? Like the Nazis?”
“Yeah, the strongest 10% survive to start a Master Race. They’re not like Nazis Shakira, they ARE Nazis!” Farrah explained as she pointed to a swastika in the corner of the page.

20: Meddling Parents

“Farrah! Farrah!” Dex yelled while running upstairs. He then stupidly shifted his glasses so they were on top of his head, and as expected tripped over one of Farrah’s shoes. “Ow! My face!”
Farrah giggled. “What is it Dex?”
He stood right back up again, apparently not bothered by falling over. Well, it’s not like Dex isn’t used to falling over anyway. “You remember that song I played for you after I fixed your facelift? You know, when I was on my break and wanted to both visit your room and play my guitar but couldn’t decide? I played it for Elvis and he wants me to join him on stage!”
“Dex that’s wonderful!” she said, and hugged him. Shakira and Ursula were taking care of Farrah that day, restoring her immunity and other things against somebody’s odds, when they decided to have some fun with her SpaceTube/YouTube account. This led to all of Farrah’s doctors, except Lawrence, who was spending time with his mother, coming over to Ursula’s house and filming themselves/Farrah filming them performing ‘dramatic readings’ of various pro-Big Pharma blog posts. A couple of hours later, there was a new video online consisting of five people taking turns acting like retards.
Their evening of being themselves in front of a camera was then interrupted by Shakira’s phone ringing, as Lawrence was calling. “Salaam aleikum?”
“Hey Shakira!”
“How is your mother?” she asked, knowing that she should care about her future in-laws.
“Great….but there’s one problem….your parents are here!” he said, looking over his shoulder at the pair of stalkers future parents-in-law.
“LAWRENCE HOW DO THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?” Shakira yelled. Morality seemed to come second to their child getting married, and since she didn’t live with them, their lack of nagging power or whatever meant that they had to get ‘creative’.
“Your mother said she searched my name to find out where I work, and then both of them followed me home.” In this situation, ‘creative’ means ‘stalking… and possible hostage’.
“I cannot believe this…why did they follow you?”
“Something about how we apparently have to get married right now”, he sighed.
“They want grandchildren from me, and a Theran woman’s eggs run out once she turns 100….but don’t worry, we don’t go through menopause, there are no changing for you to worry about.” Shakira set her TARDIS translator to Spanish, so she could use Pashtun to talk privately, but her Spanish grammar was not always perfect.
“That’s right, you’re 99”, he remembered. “And because of all the death threats against me for not turning Farrah in but instead helping her threaten the drug company’s power.”
“We are not leaving until you agree to marry him!” Shakira’s father yelled in the hope she could hear it, which she did.
“Okay Lawrence I am coming over to try to reason with them, so bye for now”, she said, hanging up once he responded. “Everyone I have to go and attempt to reason with my crazy parents.”
“Oh I know what that is like! Good luck Shakira!” Ursula called out.
“Good luck!” Farrah added.
“Thankyou!” Shakira said as she stepped into her TARDIS, which disappeared along with her in a few seconds.
Shakira and her TARDIS materialised into the living room of Lawrence’s house, a spacious, open-plan place with big windows. She opened the doors, then locked them, only to be greeted by Lawrence, his mother and her own parents.
“Salaam aleikum…..mother, father, what are you doing here?” she asked.
“We are here because you must marry this man now!” her mother demanded.
“Why? We haven’t been seeing each other for long and you know I would wait until marriage!”
“Because his life is in danger and it is your duty to protect him! Also we want grandchildren from you!” Her mother spoke the first sentence, but both said the second.
“I told you dozens of times that I do not want children and you already have them!” Shakira reminded them.
“And my life isn’t in danger as much as you think; no one’s tried to kill me when I’m working there on my-“Lawrence was interrupted as someone fired a machine gun into his house, shattering a window. “Own. There was only hitmen once…aaaand now they’ve come for me. Shakira don’t you think maybe they have a point?”
Her eyes still hadn’t recovered from almost jumping out of her head. “Ithinktheymight.”
“I don’t want my baby to be murdered! You marry him now so he can move in with you!” his tiny mother ordered, hugging him tight.
Shakira’s parents grinned smugly. “Now you see our point?”
“Alright then I will marry him! But weddings are expensive!”
“We learnt that in America there are places that will marry people at a moment’s notice and it is quite cheap”, her father stated. “There is no excuse.”
“But what will I wear?” Shakira asked.
“My wedding dress”, her mother added, and continued, “Lawrence seems to own many suits so he can wear one of those. You two can have a proper wedding in the future but now we must get this over with so he can be safe with you.”
“Where is it then?” Shakira asked, wanting to get it over with too.
“In our TARDIS…Lawrence and Mrs Piro, let us go now, and please tell us how to get to Utah!” her mother demanded.

“Strawberry! Look at this!” Farrah sat at her computer, connected to Earth’s internet of four years in the past.
“What is it?” the ginger asked, throwing herself onto the couch like a ragdoll.
“The tabloids are saying I’m in hospital again and that I’m dying! They’re saying nothing about my videos or how I saved Earth!”
“Wow…it’s like they don’t want anyone to know the truth…” Strawberry said, confused at Earth’s strange customs of government/corporate censorship.
“The view counts on my videos are slowly climbing, and it’s only the conspiracy theorists that listen to me”, Farrah sighed. She still wasn’t giving up, no, she would never consider that. She looked at another article’s title. “I’M PLANNING MY FUNERAL? HOW DO THEY GET AWAY WITH THIS?”
Strawberry shook her head. “I have no idea.”
“What is going on?” Thomas asked curiously, his head sticking out from around the corner.
“Your news is stupid” stated Strawberry.
“That I know”, he agreed. Once he saw what Farrah was talking about, he added, “These people disgust me! I don’t want to know how low the pharmaceutical companies will go to stop you!”
Dr Vogl was about to find out. As he skimmed the article, Shakira’s TARDIS materialised in a corner of the room, the ‘new’ Victorian closet not looking out of place.
“Salaam aleikum everyone”, she announced, with Lawrence following her. “We just got married so Lawrence can live with me and be safe from hitmen.”
Dr Vogl spun around. “What?”

19: Invasion

“How many views does it have now?” Kate asked, as she and Farrah were on her roof. Lawrence was there too, looking through his telescope at the stars.
“My channel has thousands of views from outer space 4 years from now, but only a few dozen from here and now on Earth”, Farrah answered. Earlier that week, Ursula had shown her how to transmit her videos through time and space, from her galaxy’s internet in 2013 to Earth’s internet in 2009. That way, no one could delete her uploads or suspend her account again. Most comments were in support of her, but one was a flat “INFORMATION_RECEIVED” from an unverified date and by a strange group of metal men…

Meanwhile, the metal men just mentioned were floating on a massive ship through space, having originated from the planet Mondas.
“INFORMATION DOWNLOADED HAS CONFIRMED MATURITY OF CHEMICAL WEAPON KNOWN ON EARTH AS CHEMOTHERAPY, PURPOSE: TO IMPROVE COMPLIANCY RATE OF UPGRADES…TO DELETE INFERIOR AND NON-COMPLIANT LIFEFORMS…” one said, in its robotic voice. Years earlier, in the 1940s, the metal men known as Cybermen had planted a shipment of mustard gas where the German army would find it, and then planted the idea of creating a dangerous ‘medicine’ from it into the mind of a Nazi scientist. Thus chemo was invented, less than 10% effective at saving lives but incredibly dangerous and exactly what the Cybermen wanted to fulfill their plans.
“MATURITY CONFIRMED BY: OBVIOUS DAMAGE TO FEMALE, FEMALE’S DESCRIPTION OF CHEMICAL WEAPON” the first one continued.
Another added: “OTHER INFORMATION SUGGESTS FEMALE IS AN IMMORTAL BEING KNOWN AS AN ANGEL”, taking the name given to Farrah for her beauty and sweetness way too seriously. “COMMENCE PREPARATION FOR THE OBTAINING OF THE NOW MATURED CHEMICAL WEAPON AND THE UPGRADING OF THIS WORLD KNOWN AS PLANET EARTH!” it said, completely emotionless. The first one then left, to prepare the weapons and get all the other Cybermen into combat mode. A Cybermen never invaded a planet alone, no, there were thousands of them travelling aboard the ship that was approaching Earth.

“Hey Farrah, what do you know about spaceships? I can see one, and it’s coming closer, I think”, Lawrence asked while peering through his telescope.
“Really?” she replied, and got up to check out this apparent UFO. A few seconds after she found the ship, she jumped back. “Shakira told me about those! That’s a Cybership and they’re always full of Cybermen!”
“Uhh…what’s a Cyberman?”
“They’re basically robots with human nervous systems who want everyone else either killed or converted into one of them”, Farrah explained. She sent a message out to Shakira, Strawberry and Ursula on her now modified phone. Shakira was spending some time with about two dozen relatives, and Strawberry was delivering a baby, so only Ursula was available and able to hear her phone going off. A few minutes later, something that appeared to be a blue Chevrolet but was actually a ship capable of travelling through time and space landed safely on the roof, then Ursula stepped out of it. “Hello there Farrah, I got your message…how far away are they?”
Lawrence looked through his telescope once more. “They’re closer but not by much. How are you gonna fight these things anyway?”
“I have various Sontaran weapons. My father fought the Cybermen so I know all about them.” She opened the back door of her car. “To destroy the whole ship, we must plant this bomb somewhere inside it, but because it detonates quickly I will keep the trigger. My car has a built-in cannon-“ Kate was shocked by this – “What? I am half Sontaran! And I have a pair of rheon carbines, they are guns which can easily kill any Cyberman.”
Farrah stepped forward. “I guess I’d better get going then.”
“And try not to get killed!” Kate yelled from behind her.
“Good luck!” Lawrence added.
“Thanks…Kate I’m sure I’ll get out alive”, Farrah said, and got into Ursula’s ‘car’. They passed the clouds, then the stratosphere and the outer reaches of Earth’s atmosphere, and eventually reached the cybership, enormous and comparable to two wheels skewered onto half of a bicycle handlebar, but fortunately it was still only a quarter of the way between the Moon and Earth. Ursula slipped them behind the ship, turned to Farrah and said, “I was going to shoot a hole in the ship, but these idiots have automatic doors. They’ll let anything in.”
“Don’t you think that’s a trap? Like maybe there’s gonna be hundreds of them waiting for us?” Farrah asked.
“Then you just throw the bomb out of the car!” Ursula flew the car up close to the automatic doors, which let them in just as expected.
“See? I told you”, she said, and as they landed the car, neither of them found any Cybermen. “You press that button”, she continued, pointing to something on the rheon carbine, which looked like a silver magic wand with a blinking yellow light on the end that it fired from. Taking the bomb and locking the doors, she noticed how absolutely everything on the cybership was silver. No indoor plants to give it a more home-ish feel, or any décor of any kind, just functional silver machinery in a ship more sterile than an operating theatre.
“Hey do you think that’s a good place to plant it?” Farrah asked, putting a stop to Ursula’s observations as she pointed to a metal closet up against a wall.
“Ja I think so too, if it’s locked then the bomb will fit nicely in the corner next to it.” After Farrah nearly going blind, all because of the chemo she had in the past destroying her immune system, Ursula was surprised she could pick out distant objects when everything was not just silver, but the exact same bloody shade of it. Unfortunately, they couldn’t walk three steps without being noticed. “ALL INTRUDERS WILL BE UPGRADED OR DELETED”, threatened one of the three Cybermen, who seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.
“Oh really…and what is this upgrade you guys like to threaten people with?” replied Farrah, as she made it obvious that she was armed. Just fucking shoot them!! Ursula thought, and hissed: “They remove your body parts and replace them with machinery WITH YOU WATCHING!”
“So my options are either something agonisingly painful or death? That doesn’t scare me, since I’ve already been there!” she yelled, firing the rheon carbine several times. She managed to kill all three of the Cybermen, who fell to the ground dead and making horrible metallic half-choking and half-screaming sounds as they did so. “Okay I’m done, let’s plant this bomb and get out of here”, she continued.
“Good…Sontarans do not tease their enemies; we just storm in and attack.” They ran to the closet in the distance, and when Farrah opened the closet they were intending to hide the bomb in, a shell of a Cyberman fell out and produced a loud crash that reverberated throughout the massive chamber they had landed in.
“Great, that’s really gonna buy us some time!” Farrah said as Ursula hid the bomb in the now empty closet. She closed the doors, then they both raced back to the car. More Cybermen were approaching as they began to fly out of the ship, but they weren’t shot down because, as a Sontaran, Ursula had her car reinforced against weaponry. They slipped out as the poorly-thought out doors opened again for them and Ursula pressed the trigger. “One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight…nine…ten!” she counted while flying at top speed, and just on time the cybership exploded, wiping out all Cybermen. Sure, Ursula could have just teleported them home, but she did want to see the ship get blown up. She then looked over at Farrah, who had just fallen asleep after making her so proud once again, and soon landed to find Lawrence and Kate watching the cybership explosion.

18: Jailbreak

“Hey Shakira, its Ursula’s birthday tomorrow so we’re all going out, you wanna come?” Farrah asked. She was sitting on Shakira’s balcony with her and Saghira, drinking tea and watching the city below.
“Of course I do”, Shakira said, now wondering what to get her. “How is she?”
“Great but she’s been missing Dr Vogl a lot lately…I miss him too.”
“Where is he? Can’t she fly to Earth’s Germany and pick him up?” Saghira asked, a little jealous that Farrah had not only started her job as an art teacher, but was loving it, while she had to wait another two and a half months to even begin studying.
“He’s in jail.”
“He is what?” Saghira’s eyes, as dark and beautiful as Shakira’s, widened.
“Dr Vogl got really drunk one night, broke into a zoo and bred animals of different species”, Farrah sighed. She thought he knew better than to run around doing drunk science.
“So…he is crazy?” Saghira had no idea of what to make of this man.
“I guess he can be, but he’s really sweet once you get to know him. One time it was my birthday, but I was staying in the clinic, so both him and Ursula got a cake for me.”
“Awwww!” Saghira smiled. “But Shakira, didn’t you essentially get Farrah out of a similar situation?”
Shakira smiled. “Yes I did! So you are thinking the same thing as me?”
Saghira replied with a faux-smug “But this time I beat you”, and stuck her tongue out.
“So you’re gonna break him out of jail?” Farrah asked them. Shakira got up to find her laptop.
“You were broken out of that hospital”, Saghira stated.
“I’m sure the jail he’s in has more security guards”, Farrah said flatly. Shakira returned with her laptop and turned it on. “How do you spell the name of the jail that Tom is in?” she asked.
“Like this….” Farrah typed in the name of his jail. “And how exactly do you plan on getting him out?”
“We are going to pilot the TARDIS directly into his jail cell, it will be easy. No security guards, no hitmen, no guns, nothing! And I know what I am getting Ursula for her birthday!” Shakira explained. “And now…”, she said after a while, for she was hacking into that very jail’s computer system, and then, after a few more minutes, she finished her sentence with, “I have……found it! He is in Block D!”
“Can I see where it is?” Saghira asked, leaning over as Shakira turned her computer towards her. “It doesn’t seem that hard if you are used to landing your TARDIS inside buildings.”
“I have landed mine in rooms without windows, so it will be easy for me. Farrah do you want to come with us?”
“Sure! If we’re not gonna be in there long I won’t get too tired.”
“Of course we won’t, who would want to be in a jail for any more than a few minutes anyway?” said Saghira, as she got up and found a mirror to straighten her hijab. The three then entered Shakira’s TARDIS, which was sitting in the corner of her living room.
“Okay….” Shakira said to herself. “Farrah’s timeline, so 2009, May…aghjshaf…Germany, Bavaria-“ she added something else incoherently, then pulled the lever so her TARDIS would take off. When her flying, spinning machine was over the prison, she took the wheel in order to guide it into Thomas’ jail cell. “And one last…there!” she announced, as the TARDIS landed exactly where she had intended it to. “I can see him!” Farrah exclaimed, once she could see out of the viewing window. Before Shakira or Saghira turned around, Farrah unlocked the door and ran straight out. “Doctor Vogl!” she yelled, startling the grandfatherly-looking man. As Shakira’s TARDIS landed silently, he just continued reading his newspaper instead of being aware of what was going on.
“Farrah? Is this even real….what is that closet thing you came out of and why is it bigger on the inside?”
“Yeah it’s as real as anything can get…I missed you and so does Ursula!” Farrah wrapped her arms around him, and he hugged her back. Shakira and Saghira appeared at the door.
“These are my friends…Shakira is one of my doctors too and Saghira is her sister”, she said, pointing first to the woman in the orange salwar kameez, and then to the woman in the black abaya with white and gold flowers embroidered onto it.
“Salaam aleikum”, they said at the same time. Saghira added, “This is a TARDIS, it stands for Time And Relative Dimensions In Space, it is a machine that allows you to travel anywhere in time and space, and yes they are always bigger on the inside.”
“Amazing!…so you are aliens like Ursula?” Thomas asked.
“Yes, Thera is a lot like Earth, just as Ursula’s homeworld is”, Shakira explained. “We are wondering if you would like to visit her?”
“That would be marvellous!” he declared. “And I don’t even need to pack, as I have nothing here.”
“What is going on in there? Why are there women’s voices?” demanded a security guard, as other prisoners began to take notice and believe their eyes, prompting a fast return into the TARDIS. Shakira rapidly entered the co-ordinates to Ursula’s house, and pulled the lever on the console yet again. Soon enough, they landed in front of the duplex that the half-Sontaran woman lived in, as the sun was setting.
“This is her house? It might as well be in 1950s Earth”, he noted, finally seeing for himself what Ursula had been talking about for years. Shakira and Saghira knocked on her door at the same time, until she opened it.
“Hello girls…Tom? It is really you?” she gasped.
“Yes it is me, I am free now!” he announced.
Ursula ran to him. “Oh Tom! I was so worried about you! And please be more responsible in the future!” she ordered, while they were in each other’s arms.
“I will, my dear…I suppose I am staying here for a while yes?”
“It will be the safest thing, Farrah is with me now too.”
“I’ll explain everything that’s happened over the last month”, Farrah said.
“They said you were getting worse!” Thomas finally stated, unsure of the reality.
“They lied…things are getting really weird back home.”
“I guess we should go now”, said Saghira, with Shakira agreeing.
“I will see you tomorrow!” Shakira then said to the three, as both she and Saghira slipped back into the TARDIS to go home. It was clear that Ursula and Thomas were family, in their own way.
(A/N: I LOVE YOU AYESHA AHMED!)

17: Baby Mamas

Strawberry sat in front of her mirror, and proceeded to perform what would seem to many to be an amazing show of flexibility. She was brushing her hair, with her feet, because that’s what you do when you have no arms. As she was finishing this, the peaceful atmosphere of her bedroom was broken by her phone ringing, so she put her brush down and got up to answer it.
“STRAWBERRY GINGER FIELDS!” an angry, distant male voice yelled. Oh no…it can’t be him!, Strawberry thought.
“W-What is it?” she asked.
“YOUR FUCKING PATIENT GOT ME PREGNANT!” he screamed. It was Frank N Furter!
“Well that’s for us to deal with, I know my way around the law”, she answered confidently, knowing exactly who he was talking about.
“That law doesn’t mean shit! It got changed!” Frank announced.
“Yeah fucking right it did you asshole!” she yelled back.
“IT DID BITCH! Do you think I’d be calling otherwise?” Strawberry then remembered that Frank never got into fights he couldn’t win, because he was too proud to do so. She slammed the phone down, said to herself, “Ohhhhh shit!”, and began to dial Ursula’s number so she could hopefully get on to Farrah.

Farrah was in her new bedroom, playing with Alice and planning her first lessons for her new job as an art teacher, which started the next week and was for three days a week, when the phone rang. She assumed it was for Ursula, so thought nothing of it until she heard footsteps approaching her room. “Farrah, Strawberry just called”, Ursula told her as she sat down on Farrah’s bed. “This is serious…she says Frank N Furter told her you got him pregnant…and the law was changed so you have no legal protection.”
“Ididwhat?” Farrah asked, her blue eyes almost jumping out of her head.
“Remember that day when you said you *met* him?”
“Yeah I remember everything, I just can’t believe that’s even possible!” She buried her head in her pillow and mumbled, “He’s going to ruin my life! Strawberry told me all about him!” as Ursula gently stroked her back, because she honestly had no idea of what to say. Alice just meowed.

Shakira hung up her phone, thus ending her conversation with Strawberry. Unlike everyone else, she knew exactly what to do to help Farrah out of her impending bondage to Frank N Furter. She entered a series of co-ordinates into her TARDIS console, and flew it on a smooth path to her intended destination. Her TARDIS landed perfectly into its’ place: a hallway in an apartment block, then she locked it, placed the key around her neck and knocked on apartment number 15. “Mary-Ann!” she yelled, then knocked again. “Mary-Ann!” she yelled again, then knocked again. The door was opened by an adorable blonde woman in boots and a mini-skirt.
“Hey doc, what is it?” Mary-Ann Pringle asked.
“Salaam aleikum, do you remember how I told you I have other patients who look just like you because they are different versions of you? One of them got Myron’s cousin pregnant, and needs a copy of the law you used to protect yourself in writing.”
Mary-Ann’s eyes widened. A few years ago, a transsexual named Myron, sometimes known as Myra, derailed Mary’s plans of becoming a wife and mother by raping her boyfriend and having sex with her, which resulted in Myron/Myra becoming pregnant. She then had to use an interplanetary law in order to avoid being bound to M/M as a source of child support, and by ‘child support’, they meant ‘all her money’. Since then, she decided to become a teacher, preferably for a drama or art class. “Come right inside, I’ve still got it in my drawer”, she said, and Shakira followed her into her bedroom. “It should be…here it is!” Mary-Ann announced as she pulled out a laminated piece of paper with two sentences highlighted in yellow.
“Good. Now we need to photocopy it and give it to Farrah; she was told that the law changed to remove protection from alien baby-mammas or fathers or whatever but she needs to know that it was changed again to permanently restore the protection”, Shakira said. She and Mary-Ann went back to her TARDIS and straight to a room next to her office where she kept the photocopier.
“So where are we going?” Mary-Ann asked as Shakira copied the lifesaving law.
“A planet named Kos III, it is like 1950s Earth with access to time and space travel, except more equal in some ways and that gender roles are reversed because women can get men pregnant. But they all look and feel the same as humans.”
“So…it’s kinda like what Myron wants to do to the world?”
“I suppose so”, she answered while they walked back to the console room. Shakira entered the co-ordinates for Ursula’s house and began to fly it once more. Mary-Ann stared out the window, because obviously she didn’t fly in TARDISes that often. She turned around when everything stopped moving and her view became a nice-looking duplex house in the suburbs.
“We are here”, Shakira announced. The two knocked on Ursula’s door, which was then opened.
“Salaam aleikum Ursula, Strawberry called me and so I have something that can help Farrah get out of trouble”, she said, with Mary-Ann holding the two copies of the Baby Daddy and Mama Protection Act (Transylvanian laws often had stupid names).
“That is great! Come inside!” Ursula replied, relieved that no one was getting killed today.
“Shakira!” Farrah called out, and then came over to her.
“Salaam aleikum my darling, Strawberry told me everything….This is Mary-Ann Pringle.” She introduced the two, and Farrah thought, Wow there are so many of me! I remember playing this woman, I wonder how things turned out for her.
“Hey there, Shakira said you needed some help”, said Mary-Ann.
“Yeah, apparently I got a guy pregnant…I never thought I’d say that.”
“Well don’t you worry, cuz if you carry around a copy of this law”, she offered Farrah a copy of the BDaMPA, “he can’t make you do anything for him that you don’t want to.”
“Thanks!” Farrah hugged Mary-Ann. “Did you get a man from Transsexual pregnant too?”
She nodded. “His name was Myron, but for a while he was a woman named Myra.”
“Huh, my guy’s name is Frank N Furter and he dresses like a woman!”
“They’re actually cousins! But Myron’s worse, he wants to go back to being a woman and enslave men; Frank just wants to have sex with anything that moves.”
Shakira and Ursula smiled at each other over how well the two were getting along. “I have to go and give another copy of that to Strawberry, so Mary-Ann can I borrow yours?” Shakira asked. “I will see you later, Ursula”, she continued.
“Sure!” She gave her copy of the law to Shakira. “But can I stay with Farrah for a while?”
“Yeah, can she?” Farrah asked.
Shakira laughed. “Of course you can!” she answered, and left the two new friends to get to know each other.

16: Risk

“So what are you gonna do now?” asked one of Farrah’s best friends, Kate Jackson, as they were driving through the forest. Farrah stopped sticking her hand out of the car window and turned to her to answer: “I’ve decided to live with Ursula, but I still see Shakira and Strawberry all the time. I don’t know…I would *like* to start acting there but I’m thinking of being an art teacher.”
Kate smiled. “As long as you keep visiting me here.”
“Of course I will! But if I get an acting career going on her world I don’t want to deal with paparazzi again.”
“Just wear a wig when you’re acting so you can have your privacy!” she half-joked. “What’s it like there anyway?”
“Like Earth in the ‘50s but the gender roles are reversed. Strawberry said it’s because the women get the men pregnant there”, Farrah replied, while seriously considering her friend’s suggestion.
“So like the world you grew up in but better?”
“Yeah!” she laughed. The only other problem is that they don’t age, just like on Shakira’s planet…but my doctors know how to stop aging anyway, she thought, and looked down at her arm. The fractures were fully healed but she still had to be careful with it, as the scaffold hadn’t completely broken down yet.
“Hey, an abandoned house!” Kate said, and stopped to look at it. It was an old mansion in the middle of the forest, which seemed to be only recently abandoned.
“Maybe it’s haunted!” Farrah giggled. “You wanna look inside?” The door was open, so there was nothing stopping them.
“Sure! We don’t have anything else planned so I don’t see why not!” Kate answered. They walked through the front yard to the door, past the fence with the “ABANDONED” sign nailed to it and the unkempt-but-not-overly-so garden. If they got into any trouble, Farrah could always call Shakira, or Strawberry or Ursula, who are more likely to arrive *early* to save them than late. The inside of the house looked both Victorian and sterile at the same time, as if it belonged to a scientist who preferred to work from home. There was also a lift.
“Do you trust that thing?” Kate asked and pointed to the aforementioned lift.
“No, it’s probably broken”, Farrah said, and looked behind it to the stairs.
“What do you think happened?”
“I dunno, maybe the owner died and their family sometimes comes back to clean up the house, like it keeps their memories alive or something”, she replied, and shuddered at the thought of what would have happened to her if Shakira hadn’t visited her that night. She remembered how Saghira had to carry her for the vast majority of their walk around Roswell (seven children had given the woman some very strong back muscles), and how she still could only function like a normal person for one or two hours a day. After all, it had only been a month since Shakira had taken her under her care, thus reuniting them.
Previously lost in her thoughts, Farrah found herself at the foot of the stairs. She tested the first one, to find that it was strong enough to support her. “Hey, let’s see what’s upstairs!”
Kate emerged from the living room, which contained a mix of 19th century and 1970’s furniture. “Okay…but are you sure it’s safe?” she answered, and stayed behind Farrah, as she was still unsure about the stair’s structural integrity and wanted her more adventurous friend to test each step for her. “Life is sweetened by risk”, the little blonde often said.
“Of course it is….’fraidy cat….” Farrah teased, then added, “See? We’re alive!” once they had reached the second floor, and then disappeared into the master bedroom. Kate followed her, and they found a huge, 60’s space-age-ish style room, with a circular bed surrounded by curtains and a large, also circular skylight in the centre of the ceiling. Several vases filled with red flowers decorated the room, and the bed copied them in its’ red and pink hues.
“Someone must have been very romantic”, Kate said as she scanned the room.
Farrah picked something up off of a chest of drawers. “Oh…you don’t say!” she replied as she realised that she was holding a sex toy, which she threw across the room, accidentally smashing one of the vases. “I don’t wanna know what that thing’s used for.”
Kate opened the walk-in wardrobe’s doors and stepped inside. “Hey! These are gorgeous!” she told Farrah, as she had found an array of beautiful dresses, ranging from 1930’s style all the way to the ‘80s, with 70’s porn star-style male clothing in a box on the floor, which she ignored. She grabbed several of these dresses to try on.
“How do I look?” she asked Farrah, once she slipped on a ‘40s evening dress.
“Wow! You are gorgeous! What do you think of these?” Farrah asked from behind her, pointing to the red ‘30s style shoes she had taken.
“They’re beautiful!…I wonder if it’s alright for us to keep these…” Kate thought out loud.
“Yeah, the house is abandoned, so the owners are either too dead or too far away to care.”
“Let’s keep them!” Kate decided, and folded up her new dress after she put her clothes back on. Farrah put her old shoes on again, as heels were a bit impractical while walking on stairs of questionable integrity, and together they replaced the other clothes and closed the wardrobe doors.
“You wanna get out of here?” Kate asked as they picked up their new dress/shoes off of the bed.
“Yeah, I’m starting to get tired and I just get the feeling that maybe we’re not supposed to be here.”
“So do I…but I’m sure whoever visits this place to clean it won’t notice what we took.”
“Except for the vase I broke!” Farrah was getting a little nervous.
“I think it’s a good idea to leave now too…come on”, Kate agreed, and put her arm around Farrah as they left the room and descended down the stairs. They ran back to the car and drove off, not knowing that their intuition had just saved them. The house was not abandoned, no, that was a lie…the house was actually occupied by Frank N Furter! He saw Farrah and Kate in the distance as he arrived at his mansion, so he knew who the culprits were when he discovered the broken vase.
“Uh whattaya gonna do boss?” Rocky asked him.
Frank N Furter looked at his slave, and declared: “Force her to pay up…after all, breaking MY vase with one of my personal items is NOT the only thing she’s in trouble for!”

15: Shakira is Not Amused

Shakira sat with her laptop and nothing better to do than waste time. For several reasons, including a pregnancy scare, Jill Munroe had an endometrial ablation that day, so Shakira was just waiting for her to wake up. Saghira offered to help, because she was getting really bored of being a housewife, but had to call her cousin Fawzia, who was going to help her start her career as a beauty therapist. I wonder what this “fanfiction” thing is, Shakira thought, and decided to read some from Farrah’s Earth, where Jill was seen as purely fictional. She found a whole series of Charlie’s Angels stories from some Swedish woman with an unpronounceable username, and started to read from the first instalment. ‘What is this? Jill, pregnant? Oh come on!’ she thought, and chose to review the thing.
“Part of writing well is keeping your characters in character! This, however is not in character! Jill would not get herself pregnant. For years she has come to me for help with avoiding pregnancy. Many times she has told me how much she wants to avoid having a baby! What the hell is your problem? Like me, she is CHILDFREE. If that is not in any published dictionary, look it up on the internet. Like me, she does not want to lose her freedom by having children because of the loss of independence which is NOT ALWAYS temporary! Why would you clip her wings by getting her pregnant? I know her and she would be complaining constantly about not being able to play tennis and all the other things she is always doing, so she would get very annoying very quickly.
PS Your grammar is terrible and yes my TARDIS translator is working perfectly.
She hit ‘post comment’, not caring about whether or not it would stay in English or turn to the Spanish she wrote it in, but whatever, it was a common language on Earth too. Admittedly, the other stories in the series were quite cute and funny, but Jill becoming a mother was too out of character. After reading some poorly-written slashfic about Kelly and Sabrina and searching the meaning of “OTP”, Shakira found another story that seemed interesting. It was called “Divinity”, written by a “glambothefirst”; while it was a long story already, the 9-chapter tale was still incomplete, but the bored doctor was curious. She actually enjoyed the story, and was quite wrapped up in it, until the end of the last chapter…
“What the fuck?” she said out loud. It sounded like Jill had died at the end of chapter 9, and Shakira was not having any of it. Sure it was just a fanfiction, but she was in a bad mood. This was partly because the surgery she had just performed was incredibly tedious on account of how repetitive it was, all it involved was burning off endometrial lining – not just in the uterus where it belongs but in inappropriate/fucked up places outside of it, and partly because her parents were being annoying. They wanted her to marry Lawrence RIGHT NOW instead of in a year or two, because they knew his life was in danger and because they wanted grandchildren from her. Theran women lose their ability to get pregnant once they turn 100, and Shakira is 99 –she does not have to worry about menopause, however, because their ovaries only produce hormones specific to pregnancy – but even though around 1 in 5 infertile Theran women gain the ability to impregnate men, her parents thought this was ‘unnatural’ and wanted children from her *specifically*. Before Shakira landed in Jill’s house, she was with Farrah, as the blonde was meant to have another IV vitamin C infusion since it was the best thing for her decimated immune system. Shakira was going to read to her, as she often did, but her phone rang, and upon answering the call she was met with half an hour of parental harassment. Lawrence was getting harassed by his mother too, but it didn’t make her feel any better about it. Once again, she took out her frustrations on random internet strangers who may or may not even read her bitching.
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU KILL OFF JILL????? If that happened to her in real life, I would go back to make sure it never happened in the “real” timeline! I would stop the evil operations of the so-called nurses with Sontaran weaponry (Ursula would let me use some of her father’s) and a one-way ticket to Stormcage or some other jail, then I would meet Jill and Kelly there. Why? Because NO ONE AND NOTHING is allowed to murder Jill or Farrah or any of the other versions of them under MY care. I forbid it!
She hit ‘post comment’ again, and tried to look for another actually good story. Unfortunately, the one she noticed was highly unlikely to be well-written. The description read: ‘LOL im on a conspiracy form n they r sayin that farrah fawcett doesnt have cancer n she has nu doktas nao so i wunted 2 ship dem cuz i seen themon youtube n stuff Lol.’ WHAT IS THIS?, Shakira thought, and clicked on this one out of curiosity. It was horrifying. This is the last one then I am reading good stories only.
I am completely disgusted by whatever this thing is! THIS IS NOT A G RATED STORY! That is the most idiotic plot (what plot is there?) I have ever read! NO I will not perform anatomically impossible sex acts with Dr Vogl and there IS NO WAY that Farrah and Ursula would ever do those things together as they are both straight! I have no problem with female/female pairings but explicit sex involving real people is several varieties of wrong!
This is the worst story I have read here and that is saying something. I hate your grammar, spelling, punctuation (where?) and worst of all the plot of this ‘slashfic’. Become literate but don’t even think about writing fanfiction again!
Just as she had posted her review, she felt Jill’s fingers brush against her arm.
“Where am I?” Shakira could barely hear this, but she read her lips.
“Me and Saghira carried you to your bed…everything went perfectly.” She sat on Jill’s bed and held her, as she was also friends with her, and forgot all about the poorly-skilled writers she had encountered. It didn’t take long for Jill to start acting like herself again, and soon Shakira and Saghira left her with her Police Academy friends, Sabrina and Kelly.