24: Almost Murder in Texas

Shakira and Lawrence kissed as they entered her TARDIS. They had just been out together, which involved crashing a ball on some kind of Italian cruise liner in outer space after some legitimate dinner in a restaurant that condoned their presence. Lawrence had shown her some of the European ballroom dances, and they danced for a few hours before deciding to head home. However, they weren’t tired because Lawrence being Italian and Shakira being Muslim (and therefore forbidden from alcohol) meant they were still coming off a caffeine high. “That was wonderful!” Shakira said as she entered the co-ordinates for their home.

“I’m still trying to get it through my head that we were on a cruise ship in space! In here you don’t really see where you’re going”, Lawrence replied, then looked around as the TARDIS shook. “What’s that?”

“I don’t know, maybe it is safe to assume that my TARDIS has other ideas besides going home.” Shakira was right, as once they stepped out to look around, something shocking was there to greet her. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!” she screamed, not caring about who could hear. It was one of hers – not just any of them, but Joan, another version of Farrah – lying in a hospital bed, physically wracked by some unknown thing.

“I thought we were supposed to keep calm around our patients!” Lawrence whispered. Shakira whispered back, “Says the one who spent years poisoning people!” and approached Joan. “Salaam aleikum sweetie, what is wrong?”

“I don’t know, I just –“ she turned away to throw up again. Shakira took out her sonic screwdriver, which she had just updated to detect acute poisoning, and used it to scan Joan, who wasn’t unfamiliar with her alien technology.

“She has been poisoned!” Shakira announced, and fixed her eyes on Joan’s husband, who was looking very guilty.

“I didn’t do it!” he protested.

“I have lie detection software on this too, and it does not agree with your denial!” she retorted. “Lawrence, grab him and shut him in a closet once we are inside my TARDIS, I will take care of Joan.” Shakira helped Joan stand up, and half-carried her while letting her walk as best as she could; Lawrence held her now ex-husband in something resembling a wrestling hold he remembered from high school.

“Come on sweetheart”, Shakira said as she took Joan to the bed in her TARDIS’ medical office, and brushed her hair back with her fingers before rushing to find the antidote. Joan had been poisoned by morphine, something all doctors had easy access to, so Shakira was going to counteract it with atropine. After much searching (for her liking), she found the small bottle of atropine on the shelf of antidotes, and quickly dived in to the drawer where she kept the hypodermic needles – while Joan only needed a small amount, it had to be injected or else its effects would begin to appear too late. “Come here, give me your arm”, she said softly, then injected the necessary amount of antidote. As soon as she disposed of the needle, she sat on the bed and held Joan, fearing for her patient’s life until she could feel her beginning to breathe deeper, and relaxing instead of trying not to vomit. Joan was recovering, and was now breathing as deep as she should, but gasping as if she had almost drowned. Shakira placed her on her left side and stroked her back. “Do you have anywhere else you can go? You cannot go back to your husband if he tried to kill you.”

“I can go back to my daddy”, she answered, barely loud enough for Shakira to hear, and continued, “hey…maybe someday I could be a doctor like you” and ran her finger over Shakira’s hijab.

“I think you could do anything that you set your mind to”, Shakira replied, taking her hand, and then yelled out to the bastard in her console room’s closet: “I AM SENDING YOU TO STORMCAGE CONTAINMENT FACILITY FOR WHAT YOU DID! IF THEY DEEM YOU NOT EVIL ENOUGH THEN SENDING YOU BACK TO THIS TIME IS THEIR JOB AND NOT MINE!”

Joan looked up at her. “What’s Stormcage?”

“Stormcage is a maximum security prison from another time and place. They can send him back here if or when they release him, but I’m sure attempted murder is deemed unacceptable.” She slipped a monitor around Joan’s wrist, and a pulse oximeter over her fingers, then removed a pager from the side of the machine. “I have to send him there now, but if you are in trouble this will tell me”, she explained. Shakira entered her TARDIS’ console room, and then Lawrence told her, “He’s in here”, pointing to the storage closet. He opened the door, and Joan’s husband stumbled out, shouting “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FUCKING VIGILANTE ASSHOLES?” while Shakira and Lawrence tied him up. Lawrence then wrote ‘I’m a sneaky asshole who tried to murder my wife and I deserve everything I get’ on a piece of paper and taped it to the rope. Shakira piloted her TARDIS to Stormcage, though it was rough and the floor shook, only Joan’s (ex) husband fell over and she didn’t get a false alarm from the pager that would indicate Joan falling out of bed and the monitor coming loose. She landed them all in Stormcage’s front office, so she and Lawrence could unceremoniously dump him outside. “THIS BASTARD TRIED TO MURDER HIS WIFE!” Lawrence yelled out, while Shakira said something similar, which attracted the attention of a guard.

“Well then, you’ve done the right thing in sending him here!” the guard replied, and just as he began to ask “Wait, aren’t you-?”, Shakira locked the doors so they could make their way home. There was no way that she would let herself be identified as That History Altering Bitch in a maximum security prison! Joan was staying with them for the night, as she still needed to be watched and cared for, but really, everything was alright now, as the murder in Texas that was meant to take place had been averted and a very special woman was about to start a new life.


23: Judoon Platoon

Farrah stared out the window of what was once her room at Alpenpark, before picking up the necklace she had forgotten some months earlier. Ursula was there too, but they decided to arrive on Farrah’s timeline because Ursula could explain the four years that she had been gone much easier than Farrah’s situation. She got up from the floor again, and continued to look out at the Bad Wiessee lake and the forests and mountains of the greenest green possible behind it. It had just started to rain…but Farrah had noticed something strange about the way it was falling, for the rain was not falling down, but up! She ran out to where Ursula was, chatting with the nurses who were also all over Farrah as soon as they saw her. They would have liked to meet Shakira, the unofficial Queen of Farrah’s doctors (including all other health care-givers), but she was too busy that day with the New Washington hospital and her own clients. “Ursula! It’s raining but the rain’s falling up!” Farrah yelled out, and then screamed. Out the window, she could not see the lake anymore, because they had somehow been transported to the moon! The nurses and everyone else started to completely freak out, except for Ursula. “Farrah, I know who has taken us to the moon, they are the enemies of my father. They are trying to-“ She was cut off by the sound of several Judoon storming their way in to the front desk, ordering the receptionist – an English expat – to hand Ursula over. Once they understood that she could not speak their language, one of them pinned the hysterical young woman to the wall, scanned her brain, and then said, “Language assimilation complete”, in the woman’s thick Cockney accent. It then repeated itself: “Bring us Ursula Jacobs! She is guilty of the crime of altering history and is a strategic advantage in our fight against the Sontarans!” The receptionist just screamed.

“What are we gonna do?” Farrah whispered, eyeing the window.

“They won’t let them go without me”, Ursula answered. “We have to escape, and make them follow us for them to return everyone to Earth.” There was an air bubble surrounding the clinic, but the oxygen would only last for a couple of hours.

One of the Judoon made their way towards the staff room, near the front desk. There was no way out except for the window, so Ursula had to climb out of it, just fitting through. It was too late for Farrah, as when it was her turn, the rhino-beast was standing at the door. “OI! WHERE IS URSULA?” it demanded.

“I don’t know…who’s Ursula?” Farrah asked, looking for a way to distract it so she could escape. She then noticed that Ursula slipped a rheon carbine gun into her back pocket, and quickly grabbed it while she made a silly attempt to explain herself. Not wanting to kill the rhinoceros-like alien, she fired it at the gun instead, disabling it.

“You DARE disable my weaponry? I’ll kill you, you daft bint!” it announced, turning back for reinforcements. Farrah took this opportunity to climb out the window herself, and ran to Ursula.

“Are you alright?” Ursula asked quietly.

“Yeah, but he’s out to get me now too.”

Still holding the rheon carbine, Farrah followed Ursula around the corner to another window.

“The safest way to get to my car is to go through the fire stairs. The Judoon are so law abiding that they will not think of using them unless there was an actual fire.”

“And where would they be?”

“Just around the corner.” They continued on, ducking to avoid being seen through the next window. Unfortunately, one Judoon had noticed the open window, and was now chasing Farrah and Ursula. “HEY YOU! SURRENDER AT ONCE!” it demanded.

“No!” Farrah answered, and fired her rheon carbine at its gun, while Ursula did the same, frying its weapon beyond all repair. The rhino-beast alien called the others, which gave them just enough time to reach the fire exit.

“It’s locked!” Farrah said as she tried to open it.

“Okay, then stand back for me”, Ursula told her, aiming her weapon at the lock and then blasting it out of a job. They pushed the door open, and raced down the stair to the underground carpark, which was teleported along with the rest of the clinic/hospital. Ursula instantly remembered where she left her car, which she unlocked with her voice. “Ich bin Dr Ursula Jacobs”, she said, successfully opening the door to the driver’s seat. Farrah climbed in too, and then Ursula started the engine. “We must get them to notice us, or else they will search the clinic until the air runs out!” she explained, driving the car out to the front door. She then beeped the horn to get the Judoon’s attention, and Farrah turned her window down to scream “HEY YOU!”, knowing that the car’s shield would still protect her.

“They’re escaping!” warned one Judoon, and then the others began to chase the two, firing their weapons in an unsuccessful attempt to kill them. They left the air bubble behind as they started to take off into space, stopping to taunt the Judoon by circling their ship so they would definitely get followed. As was hoped, the Judoon started to chase them.

“Have they sent Alpenpark back to Earth?” Ursula asked, as she was dodging an assault of plasma cannons.

“Yeah, I saw them do that rain thing and now it’s gone again”, Farrah answered.

Das ist gut.” Ursula smiled, and turned on the invisibility-capable shield, because she wanted to go back to Earth to make sure that her former colleagues and workplace were alright, so there was no use in teleporting through the time vortex. The plasma cannons stopped firing, as the less-than-intelligent Judoon lost sight of them and got confused in a way only they could, leaving Ursula and Farrah safe to travel back to Germany.