17: Baby Mamas

Strawberry sat in front of her mirror, and proceeded to perform what would seem to many to be an amazing show of flexibility. She was brushing her hair, with her feet, because that’s what you do when you have no arms. As she was finishing this, the peaceful atmosphere of her bedroom was broken by her phone ringing, so she put her brush down and got up to answer it.
“STRAWBERRY GINGER FIELDS!” an angry, distant male voice yelled. Oh no…it can’t be him!, Strawberry thought.
“W-What is it?” she asked.
“YOUR FUCKING PATIENT GOT ME PREGNANT!” he screamed. It was Frank N Furter!
“Well that’s for us to deal with, I know my way around the law”, she answered confidently, knowing exactly who he was talking about.
“That law doesn’t mean shit! It got changed!” Frank announced.
“Yeah fucking right it did you asshole!” she yelled back.
“IT DID BITCH! Do you think I’d be calling otherwise?” Strawberry then remembered that Frank never got into fights he couldn’t win, because he was too proud to do so. She slammed the phone down, said to herself, “Ohhhhh shit!”, and began to dial Ursula’s number so she could hopefully get on to Farrah.

Farrah was in her new bedroom, playing with Alice and planning her first lessons for her new job as an art teacher, which started the next week and was for three days a week, when the phone rang. She assumed it was for Ursula, so thought nothing of it until she heard footsteps approaching her room. “Farrah, Strawberry just called”, Ursula told her as she sat down on Farrah’s bed. “This is serious…she says Frank N Furter told her you got him pregnant…and the law was changed so you have no legal protection.”
“Ididwhat?” Farrah asked, her blue eyes almost jumping out of her head.
“Remember that day when you said you *met* him?”
“Yeah I remember everything, I just can’t believe that’s even possible!” She buried her head in her pillow and mumbled, “He’s going to ruin my life! Strawberry told me all about him!” as Ursula gently stroked her back, because she honestly had no idea of what to say. Alice just meowed.

Shakira hung up her phone, thus ending her conversation with Strawberry. Unlike everyone else, she knew exactly what to do to help Farrah out of her impending bondage to Frank N Furter. She entered a series of co-ordinates into her TARDIS console, and flew it on a smooth path to her intended destination. Her TARDIS landed perfectly into its’ place: a hallway in an apartment block, then she locked it, placed the key around her neck and knocked on apartment number 15. “Mary-Ann!” she yelled, then knocked again. “Mary-Ann!” she yelled again, then knocked again. The door was opened by an adorable blonde woman in boots and a mini-skirt.
“Hey doc, what is it?” Mary-Ann Pringle asked.
“Salaam aleikum, do you remember how I told you I have other patients who look just like you because they are different versions of you? One of them got Myron’s cousin pregnant, and needs a copy of the law you used to protect yourself in writing.”
Mary-Ann’s eyes widened. A few years ago, a transsexual named Myron, sometimes known as Myra, derailed Mary’s plans of becoming a wife and mother by raping her boyfriend and having sex with her, which resulted in Myron/Myra becoming pregnant. She then had to use an interplanetary law in order to avoid being bound to M/M as a source of child support, and by ‘child support’, they meant ‘all her money’. Since then, she decided to become a teacher, preferably for a drama or art class. “Come right inside, I’ve still got it in my drawer”, she said, and Shakira followed her into her bedroom. “It should be…here it is!” Mary-Ann announced as she pulled out a laminated piece of paper with two sentences highlighted in yellow.
“Good. Now we need to photocopy it and give it to Farrah; she was told that the law changed to remove protection from alien baby-mammas or fathers or whatever but she needs to know that it was changed again to permanently restore the protection”, Shakira said. She and Mary-Ann went back to her TARDIS and straight to a room next to her office where she kept the photocopier.
“So where are we going?” Mary-Ann asked as Shakira copied the lifesaving law.
“A planet named Kos III, it is like 1950s Earth with access to time and space travel, except more equal in some ways and that gender roles are reversed because women can get men pregnant. But they all look and feel the same as humans.”
“So…it’s kinda like what Myron wants to do to the world?”
“I suppose so”, she answered while they walked back to the console room. Shakira entered the co-ordinates for Ursula’s house and began to fly it once more. Mary-Ann stared out the window, because obviously she didn’t fly in TARDISes that often. She turned around when everything stopped moving and her view became a nice-looking duplex house in the suburbs.
“We are here”, Shakira announced. The two knocked on Ursula’s door, which was then opened.
“Salaam aleikum Ursula, Strawberry called me and so I have something that can help Farrah get out of trouble”, she said, with Mary-Ann holding the two copies of the Baby Daddy and Mama Protection Act (Transylvanian laws often had stupid names).
“That is great! Come inside!” Ursula replied, relieved that no one was getting killed today.
“Shakira!” Farrah called out, and then came over to her.
“Salaam aleikum my darling, Strawberry told me everything….This is Mary-Ann Pringle.” She introduced the two, and Farrah thought, Wow there are so many of me! I remember playing this woman, I wonder how things turned out for her.
“Hey there, Shakira said you needed some help”, said Mary-Ann.
“Yeah, apparently I got a guy pregnant…I never thought I’d say that.”
“Well don’t you worry, cuz if you carry around a copy of this law”, she offered Farrah a copy of the BDaMPA, “he can’t make you do anything for him that you don’t want to.”
“Thanks!” Farrah hugged Mary-Ann. “Did you get a man from Transsexual pregnant too?”
She nodded. “His name was Myron, but for a while he was a woman named Myra.”
“Huh, my guy’s name is Frank N Furter and he dresses like a woman!”
“They’re actually cousins! But Myron’s worse, he wants to go back to being a woman and enslave men; Frank just wants to have sex with anything that moves.”
Shakira and Ursula smiled at each other over how well the two were getting along. “I have to go and give another copy of that to Strawberry, so Mary-Ann can I borrow yours?” Shakira asked. “I will see you later, Ursula”, she continued.
“Sure!” She gave her copy of the law to Shakira. “But can I stay with Farrah for a while?”
“Yeah, can she?” Farrah asked.
Shakira laughed. “Of course you can!” she answered, and left the two new friends to get to know each other.

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