Farrah’s sparkling blue eyes fluttered open, as she was woken by the sun shining in her angelic face. Once again, she had slept in, it was just that she had rolled face-first into the light of Kos III’s sun, as she was staying at Strawberry’s house for safety reasons. They had become good friends, which didn’t seem abnormal because of 1)the fact that Farrah became friends with her previous doctors and 2)the amount of time they were spending together because of certain people on Earth deciding that Farrah was a threat. Why the hell were they so afraid of her telling the world about effective alternatives to chemo and radiation anyway? After she slipped on a red singlet and jeans over her favourite swimsuit, she stared at herself in the mirror. Beanie or lace headband? Farrah wanted people to know that she had hair, but it was still very short. She went with the lace, because her hair was now long enough so that her scalp wasn’t visible any more. The chemo was starting to melt her brain when Shakira rescued her from her terrible fate, which was why she insisted on her taking ginkgo extract. It tasted terrible and was slow to act, but it was starting to work.
Farrah made her way down into the garage, where she found Linda’s bicycle. If she set the gears right, cycling through their area of the city would be much less tiring than walking, so she decided on borrowing it after making a mental note of it’s exact position in the garage as Linda was probably against people borrowing her stuff without permission and possibly against moving it too. After she slipped out of Strawberry’s house, Farrah spent about fifteen minutes gliding relatively effortlessly through the streets, only stopping once she got to an area of the beach where she could tie up Linda’s bike. She stuffed her clothes into her bag, as she had already put on sunscreen, and made her way into the clear and perfectly refreshing water.
“Hello there…you don’t look like you’re from around here!” A suggestive male voice called out, both effeminate and deep at the same time. “From the looks of your hair…hehe…have you recently…escaped prison or some other *horrible* situation?”
Really I could tell this guy anything I want and I don’t want complete strangers knowing too much anyway, she thought, and said “Something like that.”
This strange man(?) approached her and kissed her lips. “Well that’s aaaall over now isn’t it?” Before Farrah could answer, he pulled her down so they were both sitting in the water, and then proceeded to lead her on in doing some *inappropriate* things together. Fortunately, no one knew what they were doing, and anyone who saw them just thought they were kissing.
“Owww!” Farrah squeaked, pulling away from him. I have never thought this before, but WHY me and why now? I was enjoying that!
“What’s the matter dear?” the transvestite asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it, but don’t worry, it’s not your fault and I’m seeing a doctor for it.” She sat in the water with her legs crossed.
“I’m a doctor…but not that kind…who is she?”
“My usual doctor doesn’t take care of the kind of problem this is…so she sent me to someone named Strawberry Fields. We actually became friends, she’s really nice.”
The transvestite’s eyes popped open. “Strawberry? That bitch? She got me pregnant some years ago!”
Farrah tried not to laugh. She knew about Strawberry’s alien biology, but it was still really weird since she looked totally human and didn’t seem the type who would want to have sex with transvestites.
“Then who the fuck are you?” he asked. Farrah stood up and got ready to jump back on Linda’s bike so she could get as far away from this psycho man-bitch as fast as possible.
“Ummm….My name is Farrah Fawcett.” She had her shirt back on and hands firmly on the bicycle’s handlebars, which was no longer tied up.
“YOU! You’re the one who had me locked away in the psych wing of that Los Angeles hospital!”
“Hey! Unless you’ve travelled through time, that was four years ago!”
“NO! I travelled back four years to save Michael Jackson, realised I was there too early and decided to resurrect Elvis instead! UGGH!” He started to run at Farrah, who then rode away from him as fast as she possibly could. After almost running at least a dozen people over with the borrowed bicycle, Farrah was eventually sure he had lost sight of her. She then noticed two familiar people at a café, one of them being an armless redhead with her feet on the table. Slowly, she wheeled over to them, quite tired from everything now that the adrenaline had worn off.
“And then I said, ‘Elvis Presley’s virginity is mine!’” the redhead declared, and looked up. “Hey Farrah! I didn’t see you there!”
Farrah giggled, partly because of what she just overheard. “Hi Strawberry, I borrowed Linda’s bicycle to go to the beach but some weird transvestite started chasing me so I came here.”
“Guten tag Farrah, do you remember me?” It was Ursula! “Hahaha, first Bad Wiesse, then Terminus space station and now I see you here! Strawberry told me everything!”
“So it really was you!” Farrah hugged her, and said, “What were you doing on Terminus?”
“I decided to leave Earth in the beginning of 2009 and came back here. I worked on Terminus for only two weeks to cover for someone else, I must say that it is a good thing that I have a universal currency converter.”
“You’re an alien?” Farrah had no idea that her sweet German doctor was not from Earth’s Germany.
“My mother is from Kos III so she brought me here with her, but my father is a Sontaran named Strax, he is on another Earth.”
“And Dr Vogl?” So this is why I couldn’t talk to them.
“Ugh….he was arrested, and in your timeline still in jail, because one night he decided to get drunk, break into a zoo and as he says, ‘easily’ get a kangaroo and a racoon to mate.” Farrah laughed at this, and thought, Why am I not surprised?
“Come and sit down with us!” Strawberry offered. “We haven’t been on our lunch break for long.” She sat down with them, then Strawberry asked her, “Was the transvestite a man with dark curly hair, and did he say anything about Elvis?”
“That’s Frank N Furter! He’s out to get me and Elvis! Elvis is out busking for money and trying to get a regular job, but I didn’t know Frank’s here so I couldn’t warn him!” She paused. “Wait what were you guys doing?” The look on Farrah’s face told her everything. “You guys were going at it with each other?”
“Umm…Yeah….without protection…I didn’t know women could get him pregnant!”
“It’s okay, you probably didn’t, but if you want I’ll teach you how to avoid him and his child support.”
“Thanks”, Farrah said, and put her head on Strawberry’s shoulder.
Strawberry brushed her back with one of her arm-stumps. “Hey, friends keep their friends safe, it’s no big deal.”
Light years away and four years in the past, a fat man in a business suit sat at his desk, dialling a number. “Hello? I need some hitmen, I’ll fax the photos right now…Yes, I am *that* head of *that* hospital who worked for *that* company…you know my instructions…KILL FARRAH’S DOCTORS!”