5: Differences

“How long have you been a doctor now Shakira?” Farrah asked as Shakira was putting on her makeup.
“For more than seventy years! I’m 99 now…do you remember? I was expected to just get married and have children, but I love being independent and helping people, being a mother is not for me.”
Farrah turned around. “I think you guys are so lucky, because you don’t age.”
“Of course we are!”
Putting her beanie on, Farrah said: “I’ve had some work since I last saw you…until I got sick…you know what happened.”
“When I read your medical records, I thought: OW! MY SOUL! So I know….every detail.” Shakira finished with her makeup and put her things away.
“Someone’s knocking on the door” Farrah touched Shakira’s shoulder to get her attention. “You should answer the door.” She walked over to the door of her TARDIS and opened it. “Salaam aleikum Strawberry! I heard you came here early…you can come inside”
Strawberry gave a perverted smile. “Yes I did….I like Dex, we’re friends now too.” Farrah came to meet her. “Hey I’m Strawberry Fields, just so you know I do everything with my feet because –“
“You don’t have any arms!”
It was true. Strawberry was born with short stumps instead of proper arms, so she had to learn to do everything with her feet, and to a lesser extent, her mouth.
“No I don’t, but I have feet gloves! I get them from a planet where they have four feet instead of two hands and two feet, because we travel through time and space we see a lot of species with different sets of senses and limbs and stuff, so we don’t have disability discrimination.” They walked into Shakira’s spare bedroom, while its owner waited outside. Strawberry put her bag down, jumped onto the bed then removed her shoes and replaced them with feet gloves. This exposed her frilly underwear from under her 1950s style dress; she really did look like a red haired Marilyn with her hair somehow styled in that manner.
“So how are you compared to a few days ago?” she asked, legs in lotus position and flipping her hair back with one arm stump.
“Well I was actually able to eat something yesterday! And I have more energy and Shakira says my heart and breathing aren’t slow like they were yesterday and when I first came here. She said it could have been from the morphine.”
Strawberry’s eyes widened, for she disapproved of morphine and wondered why some people still don’t use the alternatives that never make her job harder. They talked some more, and Farrah’s medical history, which Shakira sent her earlier, was so depressing that Strawberry started crying and wanted to hug her, but Farrah wanted to comfort Strawberry instead of it being the other way around. Strawberry looked at her watch, which she wore as an anklet. “I think I’d better examine you now” she said.
“What the fucking hell? He let it get this bad? Don’t worry I’ve seen cases like this cured, but I’ve only seen them in people coming from places with names like Forbidden Zone and other hopeless sounding names” she said while in a position requiring a considerable amount of core strength, flexibility and mental maturity.
“I thought I could trust him to take care of me but now I know that he should have known better…you know there are photos of him on the internet posing like a model?”
“Wanker…also your radiation burns make you look like you went to the Forbidden Zone.” Strawberry rolled her eyes and took her gloves off. “I think that besides just eating the cannabis oil, you should apply it directly to the tumours, but I can’t show you how today because I don’t have my suppository moulds, so maybe some other time I will. As for your ex-doctor, I’m the Greatest Lover in The Galaxy so let’s see him beat that!”
“Thankyou…wait you’re what?”
“There’s a website where people vote for the greatest lover…I knocked this mad scientist named Frank N Furter down to second place and he didn’t take it well” she laughed.
“Hey! Strawberry! Someone outside says that someone’s here to see you! He says it’s really urgent and to get out here now!” Shakira yelled from outside the room.
“Really? I guess I gotta go now” Strawberry said, then picked up her bag. She left the TARDIS and soon found out who was so desperate to see her.
She gasped. “ELLLLVIIIIIIIIS! I thought you were dead, and you look amazing for someone who must be so old!”
“I was, then Frank N Furter brought me back to life! He’s out to get me, and everyone’s saying that he’s here!”
“Well come on back to my Mustang, I’ll get us back to my homeworld, and my own time because this is 4 years into the past for me.” She was so happy to see her former lover, one of her all-time favourites, alive again. They ran back to her Mustang, which obviously could travel through time and space despite it’s appearance, and started to kiss passionately, among other things. Little did they know, two women belonging to an odd group of superheroes who called themselves the ‘Medikidz’ were watching. Nobody with diseases or sick family members were appearing on their stalker-vision computer, so instead they were spying on Farrah’s doctors, because an armless proctologist having sex with Elvis Presley was better than what was on their TV.
“Oh…Strawberry! I certainly missed THIS! I still remember when you took my virginity all those years ago!” he said, unaware of their stalkers, but that was okay because the Medikidz were also wanted for countless charges of vandalism so it was inevitable that they would eventually be punished for their stupidity.

A/N: http://cannabisnationradio.com/corrie-yelland


4: Changing Faces

Holly leant over the bed to take Farrah’s hand, then licked it to get her attention.

“Hey! What did you do that for?”

They both giggled. “Because….!”

It was necessary to wait at least 2 weeks from the last round of chemo if one was going to start the Gerson therapy, so Shakira suggested that she had intravenous vitamin C every day for the next two weeks while they were waiting, because of the many relevant health benefits. After she had inserted the IV, she kissed Farrah’s cheek and left to call Zora, a former J’naii space pirate who owned a store selling many natural medicines, including and especially medicinal cannabis. However, Zora still went on the occasional raid, and despite leaving the room, Holly and Farrah could still hear Shakira talking to the genderless alien. When she came back, Holly asked: “You know how we have portable versions of things like the laser scalpel and instant healer that we use in plastic surgery? The healer has a setting for burns…you want me to heal your face? I wanted to ask last night but we had no time.”

“Really? That is wonderful! Of course you can!” Shakira had horrible red chemical burns on half of her face and hands because of the chemo, which made her want to punch Farrah’s oncologist.

“Okay!” Holly smiled and picked up the healer. She turned it on and slowly moved it over her friend’s hands, then her face, holding her hair back and watching the burns disappear instantly. “Does it feel any different?” she asked while turning the healer off.

“Yes it doesn’t hurt to move anything”, Shakira answered, then hugged Holly, “thankyou.”

As always, Farrah heard everything. “Could those make me look young again?”

“Sure!” Holly replied, “but I’d have to find someone trained in plastic surgery”.

Farrah gave them her phone. “Look under the notes and you’ll find someone named Dex Ramirez. He’s the better plastic surgeon I’ve seen.” Shakira dialled the number.

Salaam aleikum? This is Shakira Seddiqi…yes I am Farrah’s new doctor, yes she is off that chemo bullshit and doing something better. Yes she wants to see you, and I have something cool to show you. Where are you? Dreg’s Den? So am I! I will be right over there!” She hung up and said, “He is here, and says I can come over and get him” then left. Holly put her arm around Farrah and asked, “You any better than last night?”

“Yeah, just a little.”

“She says that the vitamin C will help fix your immune system, and all this other stuff I can’t exactly remember.”

“I remember everything she said.”

Shakira eventually returned with a sexy Latino man wearing a muscle shirt and thick glasses, which made him look like a nerd in his opinion, on top of his head.

Buenos dias Farrah how are you? I was just here spending the night with the lovely Strawberry Fields; her reputation is very accurate you know?” So she came in her time-spaceship a day early to troll for men, Shakira thought.

“That’s my proctologist! I see her tomorrow because she won’t be mean to me or Shakira for what we’re doing, unlike everyone else here!”

“Okay then you will see how beautiful she is. Like a red-haired Marilyn Monroe.” He put his glasses on and asked: “Now what is this cool thing you want to show me?”

“These things…Farrah wanted me to make her look young again but only a plastic surgeon can use the scalpel, and I don’t have a manual so Shakira can’t learn.” Holly handed the scalpel and healer over, and told him how to use them.

“I guess I can get started then? I’m sure it will be easy, you look just like her Holly” Dex said with his loud El Salvadorian accent. He sat down on the chair that Holly was previously occupying, and asked “Farrah can you take your beanie off, and Holly can you sit on the bed where I can see your face?”

Shakira walked over. “I’m going to see Zora now, she is in my timeline so I have to take us there, but you can stay here okay?” She went out to the TARDIS console to enter the right co-ordinates.

“Well I guess I will get started then”, he said to nobody in particular and turned them on.

“These are painless?” …

“Hehe Farrah most people I see at work close their eyes during surgery even though they don’t feel anything and you’re keeping them open”

“I’m used to this stuff, especially after the last few years”

“Yeah Shakira called your medical history a depressing novel” …

Soon, Dex had finished the surgery, and had Farrah looking exactly the way she did 30 years ago. Too bad the US government would be on his ass in about 5 seconds for using alien technology, even though they were human aliens.

“These are awesome Holly! I wish I was allowed to use them at work, they are painless and I could heal people instantly! Farrah you always healed very well, but I have known some people who had the most horrible recoveries.” Holly gave Farrah a mirror, then removed her IV because the bag that once contained the vitamin C was now empty.

“THANKYOUUU!” she yelled, and hugged Dex because she could now that both her arms were free.

“You’re welcome mi amiga” he answered. Just then, Shakira returned, and entered her spare bedroom where the others were, after returning the TARDIS to 2009 Dreg’s Den. 

Salaam al- Dex you are amazing! She looks just like she did the first time we were friends!” She ran over and embraced her friend while kissing her on both cheeks.

“Aww…thank you again… I must be going, Strawberry was expecting me to come back” Dex smiled and left the closet TARDIS, happy with life in general, as everything today had gone just perfectly.


A/N: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22963460