3: Reunion

“You gonna be alright Holly, like is it really dangerous to change the past?” asked Holly’s best friend, Diana 8.
“Yes! If anyone tries to kill us, Shakira has a gun and knows how to fight, okay? She said she might teach me to use a gun if I want to learn.” Diana was very protective of her friends, and she rescued Holly when she was injured during an attack by the Sandmen. Together they helped save the babies after the Domes collapsed.
“What the fuck is that?” Diana yelled as Shakira’s TARDIS, which took the form of a Victorian closet, materialised right in front of them.
Shakira stepped out of her closet TARDIS. “Salaam aleikum! You ready Holly?”
“I think I’m ready as I’ll ever be” she answered, both excited and nervous at the same time.
Diana thought: She is so loud! And what are those things in her ears? If they help her to hear, maybe they aren’t doing a very good job! She reminds me of David 7…I wonder what the sexy bastard is doing tonight, and said “Anyway, good luck Holly!”
“Thankyouuu!” Holly said, and entered the TARDIS. “What about you, are you ready for this?”
“My answer is the same as yours. I haven’t seen Farrah in years, 10 years for her and 14 years for me.” Shakira typed in the necessary co-ordinates, and there was a buzzing sound as they flew through time and space.
“And we are here!” she declared, the TARDIS stopping and audibly hitting the ground. Holly opened the doors, and found that they landed on a large patch of grass behind a massive, white-walled hospital, next to the carpark.
“So what are we gonna do?” she asked, still getting used to the fact that she had not only just travelled through space, but also time.
“We will find her room, give her these” –she held up a bunch of papers- “and get her out. Without getting our asses kicked. Remember?”
“Why is this so dangerous? It’s not like we’re kidnapping her. Oh…now I remember everything you said.”
“First of all, there is the Time Lord police, if they noticed the changes to the time line. Second, some of the most powerful people in the world don’t want anyone to know that cancer is curable already, especially by non-patentable means. I don’t want her to end up like Steve McQueen, or for us to end up like Max Gerson.”
“Okay…this is a weird planet” Holly replied, a little shocked at the attitudes of the rich and powerful. The Time Lord police were understandable; they were just authoritarian jerks. They left the TARDIS, then Shakira locked it and they proceeded towards the fire stairs.
She opened the door with a possibly bought, possibly stolen, sonic screwdriver. The fire stairs corridor carried sound everywhere.
“We have to whisper in here; she is on the third floor, west side, fifth room from the fire exit so it will be a long walk” Shakira said in the quietest voice possible.
“I’m nervous” squeaked Holly.
“So am I, this is not like anything I’ve done before…when you know them, it’s different.”
The two eventually reached the fire exit, or, entrance to the main part of the hospital. As it should be, the door was unlocked, so they were free to go inside. “Just act like we aren’t doing anything unusual” the Pashtun alien said while carefully looking around. When they had reached their destination, her heart and mind stopped once more. She was almost unable to stand seeing Farrah thoroughly fucked by cancer and chemo, and stood there shaking as Holly closed the door behind them. “Go on, you can do it, you’ve come this far” Holly whispered, nudging her new friend.
“Salaam aleikum, remember me?” Shakira said quietly. Farrah’s sparkling blue eyes fluttered open.
“I know that voice…..Shakira? Shakira Seddiqi? Is it really you?”
By this time, Shakira was crying again. “Yes it is me! I missed you, I love you so much, my sister!”
“It’s okay Shakira, don’t-”
“Don’t tell me not to worry about you! Just let me cry for you…”
They held each other for a while, and then Farrah asked, “What are you doing here?” in sign language, to show that she remembered what her friend had taught her, and to keep them out of trouble. If Shakira wasn’t touching her, she wouldn’t have believed that any of this was real.
“I have come to save you! If you want to live, you must come with me!” Shakira signed back and handed over the papers on the failure of chemo (therapy my ass!, she thought), the original timeline and the best alternatives.
“I can’t believe it, so they lied…or were at least lied to…”
“I am sorry, but yes, it is the truth.”
“I don’t want to spend another second here. Can you take this out for me?” Farrah held out her arm, showing the IV line delivering the prescribed chemo into the worst place possible.
“Of course I will!” Shakira signed as she knelt on the floor, gently removing the needle which she had been eyeing disapprovingly. “Your veins have almost collapsed!…OW!” she said out loud, because the chemo had dripped onto her hand, burning her. “FUCK!” She accidentally pulled the IV bag off its stand, resulting in it falling, breaking open and burning half of her face and both hands. “OW MY HANDS! OW MY FACE! WHAT GENOCIDAL BASTARD INVENTED THIS?? FUCKING NAZIS!!”
“Are you alright?” both Holly and Farrah asked at the exact same time.
“Yes, it just burns” she said, getting up to wash her face and hands. Farrah got out of bed to get her bags, pausing to stop herself from throwing up.
“I don’t think she’ll be okay to walk back to the TARDIS” Holly whispered to Shakira.
“I think you’re right” answered Farrah; she had surprisingly good hearing.
“Well there is an unguarded stretcher out there” Shakira mouthed and signed so both could understand her.
“You’re not gonna steal that are you?” Holly asked.
“I already have one, so no; I will just leave it out on the grass where our TARDIS is.”
“Okay” answered Holly as she picked up Farrah’s bags. Farrah made herself comfortable on the stolen borrowed stretcher, pulling her beanie over her eyes because of the perpetually bright hospital lights. “Can you open the fire door for me?” Shakira asked. Holly did some combination of creeping and running towards the door, then opened it just before Shakira could ram it with the not technically stolen stretcher. She ran after her new friends as fast as possible in order to catch up with them, which was hard because instead of slowing down when she reached the stairs, Shakira would jump on the stretcher and steer it. This wasn’t bothering Farrah at all, the anti-emetic medication had kicked in and she just held on tight. When they reached the second fire door, the momentum meant that this time, Shakira did ram the door open, and left it that way so Holly didn’t have to open it again. “THEY’RE FOLLOWING US!” she yelled as they raced across the grass back to the TARDIS.
“They won’t be following us anymore!” Shakira said back. She unlocked her TARDIS, then let Farrah and Holly in before she came in and had to lock it up to prevent the angry nurses from entering.
“Where are we going?” Farrah asked while sitting on the floor.
“Dreg’s Den in Roswell, no law enforcement goes there!” said Shakira. After typing in more co-ordinates, they were there in about five seconds.
“We’re safe now?”
“Great, I’m so tired.”
Holly looked to where she was sitting. “I’m not surprised; if you have no hair then I don’t want to know what that stuff did to you on the inside.”
“So am I, I could not sleep last night” Shakira helped Farrah stand up. “Let’s just go to bed now.”

A/N: http://www.naturalnews.com/039772_chemotherapy_treatment_cancer_clinics.html

“Environmental pollution is the underlying cause of 80% of all chronic degenerative diseases.” World Health Organization, 1974


2: Past

The young Pashtun woman walked through the apple trees, pissed off and writing on Spacebook: Rose Tyler, who do you think you are? So wearing a headscarf means I am completely dependent, both financially and socially, on men? Yes Thera is similar to 1970s Earth but we are much more egalitarian and your stupid ideas are not even able to be applied to Earth women! And NO we don’t have a Taliban or anything like that!

She abruptly finished typing and hit “comment”, as she saw someone she did not expect to see with a TARDIS- Sarah Jane Smith.

“Shakira! What are you doing here?”  Sarah tolerated Shakira at the best, and wanted to see her arrested at worst. Her crime was changing the past, sometimes for fun, sometimes to help friends, and sometimes in her work as a freelance doctor, since her TARDIS could convert any currency. To be exact, she was an NMD, having studied nutritional and herbal medicine instead of pharmaceutical drugs, as well as surgery. If any drugs were needed, it wasn’t often that she had to order them in.

“I was seeing patients today; the last one was Logan 5.”

“I was showing Luke how resilient people can be, because I knew that this Earth had their Washington DC rebuilt within three years of the people of the City of Domes being liberated, led by two Dome citizens and one homeless man”, Sarah proudly replied.  

“Where the fuck did you get a TARDIS?”

“Don’t talk like that, and The Doctor gave it to me. Where did you get yours? I thought only Time Lords had them.”

“Any Theran with a TARDIS stole TARDIS coral to grow one.”

“Yes, I also knew that and the fact that no respectable Time Lord would seek any of you out for any reason other than to arrest you, because you are seen as criminals.”

Shakira wanted to change the subject before she got an overpowering urge to punch this woman. “Well, Logan likes me. Have you met him?”

“No, not yet…I have met that sweet little Holly 13.”

Shakira rolled her eyes, as she did not like Holly, they were just too different. “She is annoying, but I had a friend who looked exactly like her. The US government broke in to her house and destroyed our means of communicating so I haven’t heard from her since then.

“Was your friend Farrah Fawcett?”

She jumped a little. “Yes! How did you know?”

“I had a feeling it was her.”

Shakira was, obviously, excited at the opportunity to reunite with her long lost friend. “Do you know how I can see her?”

Sarah’s mood suddenly darkened. “You can’t. She died several years ago”, she said as she handed Shakira a news article.

“Wait…what?” Her deep brown eyes widened and scanned the article several times over. Time felt like it had stopped; her mind had stopped.

Sarah repeated what she always said in these situations: “Everything has its time, and everything ends.”

“FUCK YOU!” Shakira answered, and ran back to her stolen TARDIS. Sarah was offended, but not surprised, and didn’t go after her. Instead she went back to where Luke was with the old man, who she preferred to this alien criminal.

Not looking where she was going, Shakira ran into Holly.


“Hey!” You stupid little bitch!

“Shakira!” she gasped. “Are you alright?” Holly didn’t like seeing anyone cry, even if they pissed her off.

“No, why would I be when this happened to a friend?” she answered, showed Holly the news article Sarah printed off and dropped to the ground crying. Holly read it, and in tears herself, wrapped her arms around Shakira. “I’m so sorry…but you can do something, can’t you?”

Shakira looked up, Holly’s arms pulling on her orange headscarf that matched her salwar kameez. “Now that I can think again, yes.” Logan walked past, amazed that they weren’t fighting or pushing each other away.

“What is it?” Holly really wanted to know, and the distaste they had for each other was beginning to melt away.

“I can cure cancer. I know of things like the Gerson therapy and cannabis oil, actually those may be the best things for her.”

Holly smiled, many people would swear she could light up a dark room by doing just that. “See? You don’t have to be sad and give up.”

Manana”, Shakira was also smiling now. “It will take a long time but it is possible, I can save her.”

“Hey…can I help? Like, sometimes when I’m not working?”

“Yes you can.” They both paused, then embraced each other.

“I’m sorry about everything I said and everything I did!”

“So am I! I was wrong about you!” Shakira only said she was wrong if she really meant it, never simply to please anyone.

“Can we be friends now?”

“Of course we can!” They both got up, Holly straightening her glittering green dress, which she always wore to work, and Shakira moving her scarf, covering most of her tightly curled hair again.

“I will show you my TARDIS, do you want to make plans tonight and go back in time tomorrow?”

“Okay, I finish work at 5:30, maybe we can meet outside?” Holly worked as a surgical and post-op nurse, mostly for plastic surgery. She preferred taking care of people who were having elective surgery than that of the emergency variety.

“Yes we can, I will land my TARDIS there.”

“Great!” This was Holly’s first time changing the past, and her first trip through time. Her original plans were to bring someone home for sex, for this was a free-love society, but her new plans were much more exciting. She was thinking: Will she like me? I hope she won’t be scared of me because I look like her. How are we gonna save her? Will it be dangerous? What is Los Angeles like? Where is it? Did they ever have to rebuild their city from a war? Does everyone live by themselves or with their friends like us, or do they have families like they did here in the old days?

1: Resurrection

Frank N. Furter turned off his “vintage” television set. Michael Jackson rehearsing for his tour, blah blah…Farrah Fawcett in hospital, sad, but he didn’t really care…Billy Mays yelling at him to buy something, fuck off…now it was time for him to actually get some work done. He had trained Rocky very well in being a scientist’s assistant, but his handsome sex slave was too stupid to do most of the work, unlike Riff Raff the last time. The fucking bastards had abandoned him and Rocky 30 years ago, and that Columbia ran off to become a successful dancer. Whatever, she was an irritating little slut, just like that Strawberry Fields bitch who had just stolen the title of Greatest Lover in the Galaxy from him. Well, she wasn’t going to steal any limelight from him now, no, tonight he was aiming for fame by reviving the frozen Elvis Presley! It took considerable effort to find and take him, all frozen in carbonite at the bottom of a depressing mausoleum in a depressing graveyard, but it was fucking worth it. He had shown off the frozen Elvis to various alien guests, and now wanted to bring him to life and take all the credit for it. Resurrecting a legend had to be worth a Nobel Prize or something AND getting recognised as the greatest scientist Earth had ever seen! Frank rode his lift to the lab while striking a sexy pose, despite the fact that nobody was watching. “Rocky!” he greeted the blonde like one would greet a charming husband, “is everything ready for the king’s….resurrection?” He smiled and wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, and they paused to admire each other, both as young and beautiful as the day Rocky was brought to life.

“Yes, uh, madam”. Rocky learnt to never call him “sir”, ever.

“Good.” He put on his green coat and mask over his usual black corset. His lab was minimalistic, like all labs, except for the giant rainbow flag hanging on one wall. On the floor was Elvis, still imprisoned by the carbonite slab. The aliens who preserved him in case any others wanted to bring him back had done a very good job of it; however, they would not be getting any credit, partially because Frank did not know who they were.

Frank moved over to the laser’s control board. He selected the “heat” setting, as he simply needed heat to vaporise the carbonite, and guided the laser beam around Elvis to avoid injuring him. It was quite obvious that Frank was enjoying this, bringing the dead back to life was a fucking ego boost. As the carbonite disappeared, much like dry ice, Frank walked over to get a closer look. He smiled and thought: hello there, you look better than what I expected. The aliens who froze him even dressed him, in a 50’s black suit with a green satin tie, which Frank deemed unnecessary. “Rocky!” he yelled, once again trying to sound like a woman from an old ‘50s film.

“Yes boss?”

“Get the defibrillator!” he said with some kind of dramatic look on his face.

“Yes boss” he answered, and did exactly as he was told so his boss could restart Elvis’ heart. Three minutes of CPR followed this, and since it sometimes did resemble pashing, yes Frank was getting off on doing it. Then, Elvis opened his eyes.

“Who’s there? I can’t see anything!”

“Someone who loves you”, Frank said with a deceptively feminine voice, and kissed him for real this time.

“Ginger? Is that you baby?”

He laughed silently, answered with a “Yes, dear” and kissed him some more. Unfortunately for Frank, the blinding effects of the carbonite were quickly wearing off, and Elvis realised that he was not making out with Ginger.

Elvis screamed. “You’re not Ginger, you’re a MAN dressed like a woman!”

“I’m not much of a mayyun, honey, I’m a Sweet Transvestite…from Transsexual, Transylvania…haha!”

“You trying to rape me weirdo?”

“But you liked it, didn’t you?”, he smiled.

“NOT ANYMORE AND GET AWAY FROM ME!” By now, Elvis had the strength to roll out of Frank’s reach, get up and run like hell out of the castle doors, not before stealing some money. He ran to the nearest convenience store, because technically he hadn’t eaten anything in 32 years. After buying and eating a cheeseburger and coke, he noticed an unclaimed motorbike, hotwired it, and started his journey to Dreg’s Den, a place in Roswell where alien time travellers (well the ones who illegally change the past), space pirates and general rebels come to hang out and hide out undisturbed by the US government and every faction of law enforcement. He knew that by going there, he would be able to meet the only person who would believe that he was alive again.


Although this is technically a real-person fic, I must say that no celebrities were harmed in the writing of this story! This is an AU fic, meaning that the “real people” in Altered Histories are actually Alternate Universe/fictional versions of them, not the “real” thing! If you are offended by anything controversial in this story, then don’t read it. I am disabling comments because I know that I will offend a lot of people as AH does have a controversial plot, and I don’t have time to deal with all the flames. TV shows such as South Park, Family Guy and especially Celebrity Deathmatch all do/did RPF so if you want to be offended get offended at them. Even Johnny Bravo did it.